If I told you my story…

If I told you my story….you wouldn’t believe parts of it. You wouldn’t believe it because there are parts of it that I still can’t believe. Situations I put myself in. And kept myself in. 

There are a handful of days that were turning points. Days that are forever burned into my soul. Unforgettable. Days that changed me. 

 

Codependent is as codependent does. 

I am full of joy for not to be in that time and space anymore. And how odd it is to say, I am grateful for this time because during my darkest day, God sent people to walk along side me. GOD MET ME WHERE I WAS AND WALKED ME OUT. 

Of all people I have met on this journey there is one person who stands out. One who understands where I have been and how I got there like no other. She walked in my shoes. We are one in the same. I was not open to talking to her at first. In fact I don’t think I was very nice to her. 

You see, she is my ex boyfriends ex girlfriend. 

She came to court to support me for the trespass and protective order violations. She knew who I was when she walked in the room even thought she didn’t know me or what I look like. All she knew was my name. She knew me by how beat down I was. She knew my by the look of fear on my face and in my heart. She knew and walked up to me and said I’ve been there, I know how you are feeling and I’m here if you need someone. I’ll be sitting over here if need me. I wasn’t ready to talk to her but appreciated her being there. She waiting a long time as the State and his attorney were working out a deal. She knew I needed some space and she left before court was over and left me her number. 

It took me a few days before I called her. 

Had I not been in that codependent relationship, I would have never met this brave beautiful wonderful women and now be part of her life. 

We have helped each other in ways that no one else could have. We could write each other’s story because they are so much the same.

Not only has she helped me but I have also helped her. Grow past this time in our lives. Grow in grace, hope, mercy and wisdom. Let go of our hurts. We talk about our favorite scriptures. We talk about our struggles. We celebrate our victories. She is now my sister.

The more I write the more I feel compelled to keep writing and share my story. 

Like the Big Daddy Weave song My Story. 

If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story

You would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
If I told you my story

You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story

You would hear Life overcome the grave
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long

For the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
This is my story This is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long.

My journey to serenity continues…
PS I painted the picture used in this post. It’s title is Light and Love. 

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12 Comments

  1. I did meet Mary because of our mutual ex-boyfriend. The only reason I knew she even existed was because of a post he made public on Facebook. I only knew of his incarceration because of his ex-wife; so with a few phone calls to Loudoun I knew I needed to go to Loudoun. There were several reasons for this choice but the most important reason was to meet this women who had been pulled into this nightmare because I knew what he did to her without even knowing her story. I knew the fear that lived in her. I knew the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the anxiety,the worry and the broken heart. I knew the reflection she saw in the mirror that left her feeling alone, frightened and broken. The reflection that looked familiar but was not her. I knew the broken soul she had become because of what he had done. .I knew all of this because I lived it for 7 years and had left him nearly 2 years prior while pregnant with out second child; I was still going to court, still lived in fear, still had nightmares and still had not completely healed my broken soul.

    It took all that I had to introduce myself to her but I wanted her to know she was not alone; I had walked in her shoes and she would get past all of this. I am sure it was difficult at best for her to even comprehend that his ex-girlfriend was standing in front of her introducing herself. I understood her response to my presence and know I would have felt the same way. I did leave my number for her in hopes she would contact me as I wanted to speak with her and reassure her as well as I did want to know the outcome of her case because it affected my case in Louisa.

    Mary did call and I know that must of been hard for her but she took the leap of faith and reached out to me. Mary and I have spent many nights on the phone reliving our mutual experiences and they truly are one in the same. The same words, the same responses the same abusive relationship with the same man. In the midst of all of it I found someone who understood me, understood my story and accepted me with my baggage with no judgment or finger pointing. She is my soul sister and I am ever so grateful this sisterhood has evolved out of our dark past.

    I do have one regret, that this happened to her at all. I had spent countless hours in court and getting information and documentation to provide the courts proof that I was not the first women abused at his hand, that it was escalating and I would not be the last. It hurts my heart that he did this to Mary. Someone once told me it was not my responsibility to protect his others and I said, “yes it is, because I know. I know the truth and I know what he can and will do. I know this will not end until he is in a place that he can’t hurt another women. If i walk away I am just as responsible because I didn’t stop it.” I still feel that way today and it still haunts me that there will be another at some point. However I do know in my heart that God certainly had a hand in our meeting and sisterhood and I am ever grateful. In Mary’s journey of self healing she has helped heal my broken heart. I had no idea at our first meeting how important she would be to me; how pivotal that moment of our first meeting would be. I have a true sister in Mary who is the most beautiful and kind person I have ever had the privilege of having in my life.

    Mary you are a stronger woman than you think, you are a kinder person than you give yourself credit for and you are a survivor. When we can tell our story without emotion or tears our healing will be complete and it will be because we completed each other.

    Liked by 2 people

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