I know some of my friends are wondering how did Mar ever find herself in this position or why didn’t she see it coming???

Well the truth is, I have often thought that same thing.  

The best way to explain it is this….

If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, the frog would jump out. But put a frog in a pot of the perfect temperature water and s l o w l y turning up the heat, what happens is suddenly the frog is in a pot of boiling water and is trying to figure out what to do and what the heck is going on. 


So there I was wondering what the heck happened, my kids are hurt and were not heard, the man I saw my future with lied about everything and when I told him to leave me alone he started stalking me. I couldn’t focus at work, I couldn’t keep track of my bills because my attention was elsewhere. 

My codependency nature was totally out of control and I was failing on all fronts. 

Trying to control everything but controlling nothing. Being in denial about what was really going on. Having lack of boundaries and speeding past stop signs. Being told all the things I needed to hear. Being told that things will be different just hang on and don’t leave him. Being told that this was part of Gods plan for us and to trust him rather than the exit ramp it was and trusting myself. I was trying so hard to hold onto what I wanted it to be and not to what it was. 

The combination of all those things became my pot of boiling water. I am grateful that I got out. But I didn’t do it alone. God, prayers and friends saved me and I am forever humbled by the grace and love that was given to me. 

My journey to serenity continues….

I created the graphics in this post with the help of google images and the font candy app. 



  1. This is a very helpful post to me. I have often wondered how I got myself in the situation I was with my abusive alcoholic husband. I have heard the story of the frog in the boiling water but I never equated that with codependency. Thank you for helping to answer that question in my mind

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The frog analogy is dead on-it goes so deep…beyond co-dependency. They pray on those that are weaker in areas that they can use to their advantage. They also break you down and beat you down to the point that you don’t know right from wrong, up from down or left from right. You are left questioning yourself at all times and begin to think you are crazy because you swear you said A and he swears you said B. They break you down to a shell of the person you used to be. Some of us are lucky and somehow (by the Grace of God)manage to find a glimmer of who we once where. The final straw breaks the proverbial camels back and we fight, dig, and claw our way out.

    I don’t know what made my pot of water boil. I remember the night like it was yesterday but I can’t tell you with any assurance what that final straw was. Was it the smell of his alcohol laden breath, the lie that he hadn’t been drinking, the general lies, the cheating? I don’t know but something that night made me leave and for good. I think my heart new I could not raise a son and a soon to be daughter in that situation. I loved and still love my kids more than myself and would go to war with the devil for them. Of course my opinion is that I have already battled the devil, the problem is he won’t go away.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. All very true Jenn.

      I remember after he was out of my house but I was still trying to help him…. he was dry for a week or so, we met to workout at 6am. We walked to meet each other to the middle of where we were each living. He was drunk and staggered as he walked. I had sunglasses on and tears just rolled down my face as he approached. I can remember that feeling and the lies and smell. He denied drinking. He didn’t even notice that I was crying. I hated that day.


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