I painted this picture about 2 years ago when I first started to paint.
After I painted it, one of my friends laughed and asked if it was a self portrait.
When I painted it that was not the intention. I looked at different sugar skulls and put pieces together that I liked. But after my friend asked me, I started thinking about it, maybe it is.
I shut down communication because it just didn’t matter. He thought my lack of communication meant everything was ok. I knew it wasn’t. And when I just couldn’t take his lack of responsibility and selfishness anymore, I told him that this was not what I signed up for and after a 16 year marriage full of broken promises and disappointments (not to mention his drinking, sports gambling and spending money we didn’t have on sports memorabilia) I had to walk away.
The tear rolling out of my eye is for all the nights I quietly cried myself to sleep.
And even in my last relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend, there were several times that I cried because he was drunk and he didn’t even notice.
Her pretty long red/pink hair is nothing like my short brown hair, although I have colored my hair pink several times.
The flowers in her hair are part of her mask. To not show that you are hurting or don’t love yourself but show the world that you are fine.
Her eyes are sad, if anyone bothered to notice.
I have looked at this picture for 2 years now and I love her.
While some days I struggle to love myself and don’t like where I am physically, emotionally or financially, I keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day I’ll end up where I was meant to be.
My name is Mar and I am codependent. I’m in a 12 step recovery program and working hard to stop this cycle.
My journey to serenity continues…