Letter to my alcoholic ex boyfriend….

April 14, 2016

Dear XXXXXX-

I have tried a several times to write to you these last few months. For months I have with pen in hand been frozen to start the first words on the blank pages in this notebook. 

I didn’t know where to start until today. Until I read a blog from someone else and it clicked. 

 

I’m sorry for all the times that I tried to rescue you. To save you from yourself. It was not my place. 

My actions were from a good place and with good intentions. From a place of what I thought was love. How I thought I was supposed to help. You knew I was codependent long before I did. 

Our actions and reactions fed off each other. You would fall and I would dive in the way to soften your landing. Hurting myself in the process and preventing you from growing from the experience. Others have done that for you as well. Your growth was stunted a long time ago. 

I’m sorry that it took me as long as it did to realize that consequences of your actions are for you to manage without my involvement. 

You asked for my help. You lied to me about  where you were in life. You lied to me about everything. I don’t think any of it was real. Because your addiction was in control of you. 

I know like I know like I know that you wanted to get yourself out of the pit you found yourself in. I know you saw in me, things you wanted for your life. And at first were willing to stay sober to get it. And when you started to spin, you took me with you and I willingly went not understanding what was happening. And so the dance began of you drinking and me saving or trying to anyway. 

So now it is time for you manage the consequences of your actions so that you can grow into the man you are meant to be. 

And now is the time for me to manage the consequences of my actions so that I can grow into the women I am meant to be. 

Your consequences are different than mine. My actions were different from yours. And we will have to do this apart.

Mar 

My journey to serenity continues…

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19 thoughts on “Letter to my alcoholic ex boyfriend….”

  1. You are blessed that you understand OUR illness/addiction, when I look back when K and I were living that chaotic life I too was doing it out of love, but now realise that I was hurting him as much as he was hurting me. Thank you for sharing this, I might borrow it in the future and write my own letter – or at the very least tell him when I see him next – in peace – Hope X

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations on getting out of the relationship with your alcoholic ex-boyfriend. It sounds abusive and that you have taken a giant step forwards with your recovery and self-care to extricate yourself from it. I am sorry he has put you through so much. As a recovering cocaine and alcohol addict, bulimic shopping addict and many other things I agree that the addict will never learn if people keep enabling them. The addict needs support to get better but that is different from enabling. You are supporting your ex-boyfriend by leaving him. I was also trapped in a co-dependent abusive relationship with my ex-boyfriend who was an ex-armed robber pimp and drug dealer who’d forgotten how long he’d spent in jail. Even after he hit me and smashed up the house – when both of us were in recovery from substances – it took me a year to end the relationship. And then because I was writing a trilogy whose drug dealing hero was inspired by him I got caught up in a fantasy of us getting back together “in love” with the idealised fictional person I had created. And we did get back together. It wasn’t until he had a baby with someone else and I had a nervous breakdown that I was finally able to cut contact with him.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just realized as well- my ex boyfriend admitted that he was a heroin addict, who somehow got out of it, but now he drinks 1 l. minimum of alcohol- either vodka or jack daniels. He works on a yacht- he can not stop drinking, the only time he stops , is while at work. After is all the same- parties, ladies, etc. I was unfortunate to meet him a year ago- we worked together there- and somehow this turned into a relationship( or so I thought). Then suddenly out of the blue- he broke it off- over viber call. It was because he found someone else. This is not of importance- the important thing is ladies stay away from ex- heroin addicts and alcoholics! The abuse that I experienced, it is awful- and it was always my fault.He would hit me, slap me, once broke a glass in my forehead- I started bleeding, he just left and went to drink with his mates from work. I feel ashamed that I ever let anyone like this close to me, but I hope never ever to do the same mistake.

    Like

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