Time heals all wounds…not so much

There’s that expression, time heals all wounds. My ex husband just said it to me yesterday when we were talking about his relationship with our children. 

I don’t think time is what heals wounds. In fact I think it’s the opposite. Time makes the hurt deeper. Time creates additional resentment. Time brings distance from events and causes details of memories to be blurry.

   

So what heals wounds? Talking about it in a healthy way, heals wounds. 

While I start to work on Step 4, getting ‘stuff’ up and out and letting go is what heals wounds. 

I’m just at the beginning of Step 4 and while its overwhelming in some ways, in many other ways I want all this stuff I’ve carried my entire life up and out and finally healed. 

I am shining light on these dark places. The dark secret places in my heart that has caused me to not be honest with myself. Has caused me make unhealthy decisions.

Today is 100 days since I said out loud that I am powerless over being codependent and compulsive behaviors, that my life was unmanageable. That only God can restore me to sanity. And I’m turning my life and will over to the loving care of God. 

My name is Mar. I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with codependency. Time does not heal all wounds, dealing with it in a healthy way does. 

My journey to serenity continues…

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14 Comments

  1. You’re so spot on!! Time alone does NOT heal anything. It may help us bury it deeper but that doesn’t really heal anything. If anything, it makes it worse because then you have this odd feeling of heaviness, discontent, and depression and you have to then figure out what is bothering you deep down inside and then unbury it. So much better to talk about it, get it out, and process it. We need that. So glad you’re on a healing path!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! And yes I am so glad I’m in a healing path as well.
      Not sure how much you have read of my story but last year was exhausting. My codependency was crazy out of control and I didn’t even understand what was going on. A lot happened in a short time with my ex bf BUT even more so a lot has happened with God in the last few months.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. We can’t not be codependent (or not drink) in the past or in the future. But we can do what’s right and healthy for us right now. And that is what matters. I’ve struggled with both issues so I get the destructive relationship thing. I will read more of your blog tonight! My issue over the past year has been codependency and a lot of alcohol. It’s been a shitty year. Here’s to a better one, for both of us!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Time certainly does NOT heal all wounds. We simply learn and use unhealthy ways to stuff our emotions, repress them, pretend they don’t exist. And then we wind up “in the wilderness”, then “in recovery.” Thank God for recovery, and our healing process we go through when we submit our lives to Him. Thank God for step 4, which seems so scary at the time, but which ultimately is the step which leads to freedom. We identify some of our trash, and clean it up for the first time. We learn to actually deal with our own feelings and emotions, and take ACTION to heal those wounds time just multiplied. Very good post, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great to hear you’re working step 4!! I agree that time does not heal wounds. Christ can heal wounds. Especially those we give to Him. I kind of stalled on step 4 because I was afraid to share my past with someone in step 5. I finally remembered that I hated living in fear and out of control and went back to work. If I had only known how amazing steps 4 and 5 were to clean out the dark places of my past I would have done it sooner. It felt amazing when I was done! One of my resentments took a awhile to get over (mostly because my pride kept holding on to it) but it’s all gone now. It feels so good! Christ really took upon him all of our suffering and He alone can free us like no one else can.

    Best wishes and I hope you continue your journey of healing with bravery and positivity where you can 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So proud of you for not giving up and dealing with step 4.
      I’m excited to get all this out. There are absolutely a few very dark things that I don’t want to revisit but I need to in order to get back to authentic Mar!!!

      Thanks so much for your encouragement means so much to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks!

        Stay focused on that excitement. It’s hard to dig into the corners of our lives but it truly is a cleansing process. Once you share it and make amends (if needed or able) then you’re free from it. Forever! Sure we might slip up in the future but then we just deal with the new things. The past will have been dealt with. It will be gone.

        I literally am beginning to completely forget what my past was. We really heal and it is so wonderful!!

        Best wishes 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve got goosebumps just thinking about!! Thanks for sharing your progress 😄. The transformation is real and it’s wonderful!

        You might try a tip I learned for my own amends. There were several people that I no longer knew and could not find but I still wanted to make amends. I read that you could write a letter to the person as if you would mail it but then don’t. It really helped me finalize that part of my journey. I burned the letter afterwards and I have no lingering feelings of guilt, fear, resentment, sorrow, anger, etc. (Each person was a different scenario and between them all I pretty much covered all of those emotional burdens).

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes I’ve heard that too.
        Will likely do that as well.
        I’ve done that with some things in the past before I was in program and it is freeing.

        Hope you can see my progress from my posts. It’s been an awesome thing for me to share about where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m heading.

        Thanks again Mike.

        Liked by 1 person

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