WhAt i LiKe AbOuT mE PaRt ii

A month ago, I was given an assignment from my sponsor to come up with 100 words that represented who I am. 

Yes, it took me a month to come up with the 100 words and I asked my friends for help and I used the thesaurus. But I chose words that really resonated with me and are to my core, who I am. 

This excercise has been really good for me while I started to work on step 4. Some positive self talk to balance the other self talk of working out situations from my past. Balance is key! 

So here is the funny thing, last year I did something similar with my ex boyfriend. I made a list of words written in pink that I put on a brick wall that I drew. This was good and bad words. There were some words that I didn’t want anyone to see so I used a sharpie and colored those bricks black. The title was Mar’s Wall Of Truth, Live in the Pink. 

This was done at the start of one of my ex’s binges and he was doing something like it but in writing. Here is the not so funny part, I met up with him  and showed him what I had done. He looked at it and pointed out the words I misspelled and questioned me about some of the other words I had chosen. I was crushed and hurt that this was how he chose to work on our relationship. His addiction was in full force and my codependency was in full swing and made excuses for his hurtful behavior. 

For a lot of people someone pointing out a spelling mistake may not be a big deal. For me it is. I had learning disabilities as a kid and had tutors at home, summer school, pulled out of class for extra help, given extra time to take tests, the list goes on and on. But most of all I was teased and bullied for being slower. In a split second something I was doing with the man I loved and who said he loved me, made me feel stupid and unimportant and worthless. 

So this time, I was very reflective and honest and genuine with myself and found words that together were me. (Haha I used those 3 words in my list) 

I found an app that makes word clouds and I have created 5 word cloud pictures with my 100 words. I’ve ordered prints so that I can keep them on my desk at work and to put in my step 4 journal. 

I noticed that a word is misspelled but I decided rather than going back and redoing the entire thing (the app doesn’t save the words that I’ve found) I’d leave it, because that’s all part of who I am! 

Here are a few of my word clouds. (Note the program repeats the words several times)

    

    
  

 My journey to serenity continues…

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8 thoughts on “WhAt i LiKe AbOuT mE PaRt ii”

  1. Mary that is almost as beautiful as you are. You are all those words and so any more.

    I don’t know if I ever told you this but there was this one time near the end I had sent the X quote on FB. It basically said. Take a plate, throw it on the floor. Did it break? Now tell it you are sorry. Did that pit it back together? No? Remember words hurt. He wrote me back and said that was the stupidist thing he had ever read. I think my heart broke that night.

    He cannot hurt us anymore. We have grown…especially you. You are no longer breakable and he no longer has power over you. I am so very proud of you and ever so greatful that one of my dearest friends came about because of him. You got this girl and you are enough . Love you….hugs and kisses.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right on sister!
      Yep sorry meant nothing. I’d rather him say nothing or say I was ass but that is not who he is.

      We have grown so much since meeting back in November. I know your heart is healing too. And I’m so blessed to be part of it.

      Like

  2. You know what I have seen my 9 years Leading a 12 Step A Spiritual Journey bible study is that addiction isn’t all that people struggle with when people read they have a hard time pronouncing words. But what I caught on early about was this can actually help them learn to read better. All I had to do was take the time to help them while they read but in a helpful un embarrassing way. I loved your post Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your words are beautiful. The time and thoughtfulness you put into this exercise is inspiring. My favorite part of all? You left a misspelled word in your list because it is also who you are. That was a real treasure and a sign of healing. Thank you for sharing this with us 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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