Last night I shared at my Celebrate Revocery meeting that I have felt for a really long time that I am on a tight rope.
There are boxes of all this stuff I carry with me. And I do my best everyday to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But the rope never ends. And the boxes are heavy. And my arms are tired. I have to keep my balance while new boxes are added. I have to keep my head up because I’ve scared of heights. I have to just keep moving because if I stop, I just may fall apart and everything else with it. BUT…
what’s happened since I started step 4 is:
- The tight rope doesn’t have to feel like it’s over the Grand Canyon. It can be just off the ground. If fact it doesn’t have to be a tight rope at all. I can step off it and be on ground and feel secure in my footing.
- I can put boxes down and not carry them any more as my heart heals and I talk about my past hurts, hang ups and habits.
- I don’t have to carry this alone and I wasn’t created by God to do so. ‘As iron sharpens iron, one person sharpens another’ Proverbs 27:17
- I can ask for help when I need it. And people help when they know you need it and when they know exactly what you need.
- I can put down the boxes of things that I can not change. I’ve carried boxes that were not mine in an effort to control how someone would react or feel, I’ve helped someone avoid consequences and soften their fall and I have gotten involved in solving other people’s problems.
- I can put down the boxes where I have no ownership, no part. Celebrate Recovery rewrote step 4 for those who have been sexually or physically abused….’Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, realizing all wrongs can be forgiven. renounce the lie that the abuse was our fault’
- I can sit and rest. I am weary. I can give God my burdens. Matthew 11:28-30 ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
it’s not easy but wow oh wow the healing that happens during step 4 is A M A Z I N G.
My journey to serenity continues…