My Truth

Powerless To Powerful…

Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over our additions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives have become unmanageable. 

Step 1 Is about admitting we are powerless. Powerless means:

P pride 
O only if’s
W worry
E escape 
R resentment 
L loneliness 
E emptiness 
S selfishness 
S separation 

Pride makes you think you are in control. What if’s create worry. Worry is a form of not trusting God. Staying in addiction is a way to escape the truth. 

All of the above creates resentment when things don’t happen in your timing or the way you wanted. Addiction creates loneliness because you won’t want others to know what’s going on. You are trying to fill your emptiness with addiction. Addiction makes you selfish because your addiction comes first. Addiction created separation from God and others. 

When you realize you are powerless, you understand that your life is unmanageable. 

This is what codependency makes you think…
Letting go of thinking I could control outcome was the most difficult thing for me. Xxxx’s success in staying sober was a direct reflection of me. That’s what I used to think. If I loved him enough, if I helped him enough, if I trusted him enough he would stay sober. But he didn’t. And each time he fell, I dove in the way to soften his fall. But what happened is I hurt myself and my relationships with other hiding what was really going on and helped him avoid consequences. 

Being codependent, it’s what I thought love was. It was from a supportive place. It’s what I thought I should do. 

It’s crazy talk now. Xxxx couldn’t stay sober because xxxx wasn’t ready to deal with his issues. He has battled this his entire life. I thought I could be the one who gave him a chance to start over. I could be the one to walk along side him to stay sober. My life could influence his. And at first it did but it didn’t last long. 

It brings me to my knees that I’m not there anymore. I am so grateful. I’m still working on forgiving myself for being there but I’m also so very grateful for being here, in a recovery program so that I can stop this crazy train from ever starting up again. 

There is power in letting go. Let go and let God. His perfect plan and in His perfect timing. 

My journey to serenity continues…

The powerful means section is from Celebrate Recovery materials the rest my my experience in being codependent. 


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