I did more step 4 work today.
Was writing about how my last relationship made me feel. And from those feeling when in the past I felt that way or didn’t feel that way and that’s why those feeling became so important to me. I started to dig deep on writing about a time when everything was chaos, I was trying so hard to get back to where we were.
What came to mind to me was the 5 Love Languages. If you have not heard of this before, here is a quick rundown.
Gary Chapman had written several books about love languages. Be sure to google him for complete information. This is just my understanding of his theory.
There are 5 basic love languages. This is how someone feels love. Everyone has a primary and secondary language. They are: words of affirmation, acts of service, recieving gifts, quality time and physical touch. If you understand someone else’s love language and you focus on interactions in that way, they will feel loved and it will improve your relationship. Any type of relationship. Parents, kids, friends, spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend.
Once I read about this, my relationship with my ex husband and ex mother in law all made sense. You see my ex mother in laws Love Language is Quality Time. And when we went to her house it was a day long event. I felt like I could never stop over for an hour, like we could with my mom. When we left, it was always a guilt trip that we were leaving already.
For me, my primary Love Language is Act of Service. And while my ex husband told me he loved me, I never felt loved. In fact, I felt that I wasn’t important, an after thought because in my head, if he loved me he would do the dishes before I got home from working 2 jobs. He would do (fill in the blank) because he saw it needed to get done and not just wait for me to do it.
And today while I was journaling about my relationship with XXXXXX, I was reminded about Love Languages. That XXXXXX and I talked about it. He knew what I needed to feel loved and he was really good at focusing on that when he was sober. And when his addiction took over his life, I wanted to badly to get back what we had because I never had that level of love before.
It was a really good journaling sessions today for me. This was my view…
I was present. I listened to my heart. I sat with my feelings. and I am so grateful for giving myself this gift of time and understanding.
Recovery from codependency is a gift. A gift to understand and heal. An opportunity to become a better me. For me and for those who love me today and who will love me in the future.
And this understanding is only because of His Grace and For His Glory. I would not here if I was not there and I am living proof that God can do great things for someone who just trusts Him!
My journey to serenity continues….