I am amazed in the power of letting go.
Since I have been involved in 12 step programs I have heard over and over the you need to let go.
Letting go sounds nice and also sound pretty easy. Like holding a pen, you can choose to just let the pen go. The pen hits the floor and magically it’s done.
But hurt feelings, brokenness, anger, fear, worry, grieving, shame and disappointment are not so easy to let go. My story holds all those feelings, just like everyone else’s story does.
Working the steps, one step builds on the next. They are designed to be done in order. It’s by design that you don’t skip steps. You have to start on Step 1.
I’ve been working the steps with my sponsor for many months. I’m getting ready to take part in a women’s step study group. Which I think is awesome. I’ve just about done with step 4 and 5 and I think this is the perfect time to put some work in with a group. It will give me the opportunity to start over the steps and ensure that I am on solid footing before moving through steps 6-12.
Because I’m new at this, I may have missed something or forgotten something. It’s not s race. It’s actually investing in my heathy self and my future.
The freedom I have experienced from steps 1-5 are just amazing. Hard to put into words.
I have let go of brokenness that I have felt from things that were not my fault and that often involved another broken person. Broken people hurt broken people.
I have let go of anger that kept me stuck in unforgiveness. And have learned to have compassion and empathy.
I have let go of fear. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the what if.
I have let go of worry. Worry does not change outcome. And means I am not trusting God when I over worry.
I have let go of grieving all the loses in my life. I have lost people I love dearly. I have lost things and I have lost hopes and dreams. Everyone experiences loss in many different ways. Grieving happens but I don’t have to stay there.
I have let go of shame. This is huge for me. I carried shame for things that happened, for decisions I made, for protecting others and shame for not being truthful.
I have let go of disappointments. Disappointments of what wasn’t or broken promises. For not being able at the time to say what I needed and that what was going on was just not cool. For expectations not expressed.
All of these feelings are like a prison. Making me feel trapped and stuck.
Letting go of all these things and trusting God is just so powerful. It means I am strong when I have conversations with my ex husband. It means I am strong as I guide my sons and watch them thriving in their lives. It means I am strong when my ex boyfriend got out of jail this week and I honestly can say, I wish him all that life has to offer him.
There’s no more hook, there is no more excuses for someone’s bad behavior or trying to save someone from consiquences or hurt feelings and putting myself in harms way.
Will I feel those feeling again? Of course I will but now I have tools to cope in a different way now.
Letting go is POWERFUL
My journey to serenity continues….