Dear S –
When I was born you were 10. The only girl in a houseful of crazy boys. You carried me around everywhere according to the old home videos.
When I was 8 when you moved out. And I was in 6th grade when I became an aunt. I don’t have a lot of memories with you specifically before I was an aunt.
But I do remember I found a point of view story you wrote in school about being a pencil….just wishing that you were closen that day for a test or writing and that it hurt when someone used the eraser. It was a cute story. I wonder if you knew that Mom kept it.
I remember that you changed the spelling of your name for a little while but im not sure for how long.
And mom and dad let you paint the brick wall in the basement. It’s was very 70’s and colorful. I always thought it was so cool. I wish I had taken a picture of it before mom sold the house and it was painted over.
You moved back home during a terrible time for you with 2 young kids and an out of control husband. Dad went to get you during a holiday party. Without hesitation, he left with guests in the house to go pick you guys up.
I moved out about 6 months or so later. So I was 18 and you were 28, divorcing with 2 kids. Different stages of life we were in.
There was friction from the start when you moved home between you and mom. She wanted to mother everyone and you were hurting and wanted space.
You likely overstayed your welcome but I know you didn’t have many choices. Communication was really the core of the issues with being back at home.
Misunderstanding and resentment caused distance. And lack of communication about our feelings kept that distance there.
I know you were upset with me when Mom was sick and I was named power of attorney and when she passed away and I forgot to tell you that Jerry wanted the casket to be open for the first half hour.
Now years have gone by and we have not spoken at all. I heard you moved but I don’t know where.
I’ve started saying I have 5 brothers because it seems easier then explaining that I have a sister but we haven’t spoken in years.
I’m sorry that I’m missing out on your advise and guidence. And I’m sorry that you are missing out on my friendship.
I wonder how you feel about me? Do you tell people you have 5 brother? Why do you think there is distance between us?
I may not ever know the answers to these questions. And that will have to be ok.
We were grown on the same garden but couldn’t be more different.