When I started to date my ex boyfriend, he started love bombing the second we reconnected.
We went to high school together. Knew each other but were not really friends back then. Fairly small graduating class, everyone knew everyone.
He was watching me and I didn’t realize it. He was grooming me from the start. Commenting now and then, sending messages. Learning about my likes and dislikes.
Telling me ALL the things I so desperately needed to hear. He like the things I liked. He did things that he knew was important to me. He added to my life by helping around the house and yard. Also added new things to my life like healthier eating, working out and meditation.
I felt loved, and cared about and that I had a true partner. But I was fooled. He would tell me that he loved me like no other. And all this love bombing clouded my judgement. I was surrounded by this fog that I couldn’t see but the fog, I ran past stop signs and warning signs. But I was living the best I could at THAT time.
When he said I love you like no other, was he really saying that he was so desperate and he needed me to stay because no one would love him? Maybe. Did he really even love me? Probably not.
Takers love a giver. And he was a taker. It was the perfect storm for codependency.
I forgive myself for who I WAS at that time. I was doing the best I knew to do.
Being in THAT place, was the best thing that ever happened to me. Had I not been here, I wouldn’t be here in THIS place.
I could be resentful but who does that benefit? How would serve me in my life today, it wouldn’t. My ex boyfriend was also broken and coping with life the only way he knew how.
Today I have a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ. I have always believed in Jesus. I grew up going to Church but was going through the motions. TODAY, I seek God out. I read and meditate on His word. Today I TRUST His plan for me. Today I RELY on Him for strength and understanding.
Today I have meaningful deep relationships with others in recovery.
Today I can look back and be grateful for the lessons learned and for that time in my life with how painful is was, because of the changes that have happened since.
It is only by the grace of God that I found the Celebrate Recovery program, I found a sponsor, i am working the program and I can say this and mean it to my core.
My journey to serenity continues…