Dear Hurting Soul –
This letter is for you. You who love an addict (no matter what they are addicted to) and your life is out of control and you are wondering how this became your life.
I see you.
I know your pain.
And I was you.
Please know that you are not alone.
Please know that you are not crazy.
And please know life doesn’t have to be like this.
You may be lying or hiding things from the addict or from your friends. You may feel overly responsible for the addicts actions or lack there of. You may be doing more than your share. You may be tired from this dance of fixing and taking care of the addict. You may be checking their phone to see what is going on. You may even be pissed off about broken promises. You may be hurting that you are not being heard. Or you may even be hurting that your addict is choosing their vise over you. You may feel all or some of these things.
Can they change? Maybe. But right now, it’s not about them, it’s about you. I know, I get it, that feels really strange to have this about you. After all, you are not the addict.
Hmmm or are you? The chaos that happens when the dance starts. The drama of it all. Feeling needed.
When I went to my first meeting, I was shocked that we were supposed to talk about ourselves and not the addict. ‘I just want to fix him’, I remember thinking. What am I supposed to do to to help him?
It’s not about them. It’s about you.
You need support and your friends can’t help you with this. And to find a group to help you navigate this. And you need to find the right group for you!
I went to one group for several weeks. I didn’t really click with them. That group, at that time of day happened to have a lot of parents of addicts. I couldn’t exactly relate to them and I didn’t feel like they were relating to me. But someone told me to go for 6 weeks and I would get to meet more people and get an idea of what that group was about.
I’d recommend that if your schedule allows try different times for different groups. Don’t let one meeting make a decision for you. Meetings are made up with people and different nights or times can have completely different dynamics.
I think I went for 5 or 6 weeks and felt it was not the right group for me. And I found the current group I’m with. And I love this group.
If you are like me, you likely have looked up online where meeting are and the times. I did several times before I decided to go.
Crossing those doors for the first time is scary. You don’t know anyone. You don’t know what to expect. You don’t know if you will be judged.
You can do this because you are worth it. It’s time to stop the madness and choose you! Yep, now is the time. Right here. Right now. Choose you! Choose peace. Choose to do something different and to stop the crazy dance.
I know you are hurting and scared. I know you are because I was.
But I promise, once you find the right group, you will find your people. And they will love on you and take your hand and say let’s do this together.
You will find hope.
You will find people that understand
And you will find an amazing healing journey to healing that soul of yours.
Choose you! You are sooooooo worth it.
Your journey starts now.
My journey to serenity continues….
PS if you have gone to a few meetings and not sure what to do next, I’d recommend a post from last year that you may enjoy Just Start Rowing