Dear Wanting Soul…
This letter is for you. You who love an addict (no matter what they are addicted to) and your life is out of control and you are wondering how this became your life.
You who are wanting things to change. You desperately are wanting things to change. You don’t know how. You don’t even know where to start because everything is a freaking mess. You hate living like this. You are tired. And you are wanting but you don’t even know what you want. You just know it’s not this.
I see you.
I know your pain.
I was you.
Before I started attending a recovery program, I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t breathe. Trapped in a situation that I didn’t cause or even understand and I can’t fix it.
I felt defeated, run over and used and sad that this is what my life had become. I was embarrassed and ashamed. How did this happen?
Walking into a meeting when you feel so undeserving is so hard. But there is this wanting that pushes you to do it anyway. That Wanting has been nudging you for a while now. Maybe you are like me and have gone to a few meetings but you have one foot in and one foot out of the program. Curious. But not fitting in, not buying in because you really are just not ready to be ready to change.
Let that wanting win. Listen to that little voice inside you and wants to change. Keep listening. Keep going. Keep putting one foot in until you are ready to go in with both feet.
Go to a meeting. Because you will find someone like me. Who was once just like you.
And I don’t remember if my sponsor actually said this but it’s sounds like her and like something she would say ……I will love you, until you love yourself again.
I thought I was there for someone else but I was there for me. God knew. He goes before me. He knew I would be there that night and He made sure the right people were there for me. He knew all I needed and what my soul wanted was for someone to love me until I could love myself again.
So Wanting Soul, I know you are afraid. I was too. I know you want to change but you are afraid of that too, I was. But go anyway. Listen to that nudging. Take a chance on yourself and do it for you because you are worth it.
I’ll see you there. XXOO
My journey to serenity continues…
I took the picture used in this post and used Font Candy to add the text