Everyone has heard WWJD What Would Jesus Do. It’s a ‘filter’ that some people use decide how to handle something or like a barometer to see how your decision measures up to the ultimate good decision maker.
Addictive behaviors are often centered around feelings, either a way to cope with feelings or a way to avoid feelings. For example, I don’t to feel hurt, (Not sure who does but stay with me) so when I feel hurt, I turn to enter your vice of choice here, to no longer feel that way or I’m not going to allow myself to hurt so I turn to my vice here.
While working a program, I started to use the WDRLL filter. Never heard of it? Well that’s because I just made it up. The What Does Recovery Look Like Filter has helped me navigate some situation.
Recently one of my sons got a card from an estranged family member. One would have hoped it said an encouraging word or just I’m here for you. Something positive. But it didn’t. Instead, it was selfish and guilty driven.
At first I wanted to blast this person directly and then indirectly on social media. I was fired up and feeling hurt. Hurt that someone would treat my son this way, hurt that they don’t get how hurtful their words are to a teenager and hurt that can’t control any of it.
But I took a deep breath.
And I took that hurt and looked at the situation using my newly defined WDRLL What Does Recovery Look Like filter and I used it as a teachable moment.
My sons and I had a conversation. We talked about how he felt. We talked about responding or not and what would be gained in responding in a healthy way to an unhealthy person and we talked about what do we do with these feelings. It truly was a teachable moment.
One of the best things as a result of me being in recovery from codependency, is I’m teaching my family recovery too, so that maybe they don’t choose enter your vice of choice here but choose a healthy way to cope.
My journey to serenity continues….
