It’s not ____’s problem, until it becomes ____’s problem, before then there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO!
Have you ever loved an addict? Or even have addictive behaviors yourself?
Many things come to mind that I have said out loud:
• Where is your bottom?
• When is enough?
• Will you stop for me?
• If he loves me, he will stop
• I can soften his fall and he will stop
• I’ll just pretend it’s not happening
But the hard truth is, until the person gets to the point that they have had enough and they want to try something different and only until that happens there is nothing you can do. And trying to do something will only hurt you and them.
Addiction is selfish. It’s all consuming. It is deceptive. Addiction lies.
Addiction may temporarily pause feelings. It may temporarily makes you feel better (but does it). Addiction might even give you comfort. But it lies.
Addiction hurts people. Addiction hurts families. Addiction changes the addict. Addiction ends lives. Addiction lies.
As someone who has loved an addict (several in fact), I hurt myself and the addict when I tried to help when they couldn’t answer yes to the following questions:
• Have you had enough?
• Are you willing to try a new way of living?
So until they can answer those questions YES, there is nothing you can do. Except, to create boundaries around that person to protect yourself and them.
Boundaries are hard but necessary.
I’ll write about boundaries next time, tonight I just wanted to give a voice to the part of me (and maybe you too) that it’s not your fault and you can’t fix someone else’s addiction no matter how much you want to. But there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO for them.
My journey continues…