What Does The Bible Say???

the funeral of a man I never met

Tonight I went to a funeral of a friend of a friend. When one hurts we all hurt. I went to support my friend and her family. 

While I didn’t know the man who died, I have known and loved many like him. His story was uniquely his but threads of every addicts story woven throughout. 

Amazing Grace,  wow what a powerful beautiful song. 

Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
T’was blind but now I see

T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear
And Grace, my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Through many dangers, toils and snares
We have already come.
T’was grace that brought us safe thus far
And grace will lead us home,
And grace will lead us home

Amazing grace, Howe Sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
T’was blind but now I see

Was blind, but now I see.

This man lived through many dangers, toils and snares. And lived his life as best as he could with what he had. And now he sits with the Angels free from pain (both physical and mental). His brokenness is healing in heaven. 

And just as it’s described in Psalm 23:1-6.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell[a] in the house of the Lord Forever. 

I have always loved this Psalm. It has always made me feel safe and protected and cared about. My favorite parts are: He restored my soul. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies and My cup runs over. 

This relates so amazingly well with recovery…..

He restored my soul……In heaven we are restored, healed no longer hurting and broken. Steps 1-12! 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies……for me this means that each of us is so special to God and He has prepared a table before us. Meaning each of us has a place at the table individually in spite of what anyone else thinks about us. We each deserves and have a place at Gods Table. I see Steps 4 and 10 all over this one. 

My cup runs over……is all about abundance. Abundance of love, mercy and grace. Abundance that I can’t even imagine. Step 12, sharing with others. 

So much to learn and think about tonight from the funeral of a man I never met. I am grateful. 

My journey to serenity continues…..

My Truth, What Does The Bible Say???

running on empty…

I feel like I’ve been running on empty for a very long time and especially lately. for different reasons but empty all the same. 

Sparks of recharging but short lived. 

I have felt overwhelmed about all parts of my life for a long time. Trying to keep all the parts moving within reason. 

I am planning on making some time this weekend and get a plan together for a few things that need to be taken care of. 

  

Plan your work, work your plan.   

I have often thought about time and energy spent on different parts of life as tanks. My relationship with God tank, my relationships with my kids tank, my personal development tank, my friends tank, my enjoyment at work tank, my financial tank as examples. I draw tanks and label them. On a scale of 1 empty to 10 super happy where do I feel I am in these different places. 

How I choose to spend my time and energy is my decision. Sometimes some things need to take a backseat and less of my attention. 

Spending time and energy on my recovery from codependency and really healing from prior bad relationships takes time, energy and willingness. I’m so there but it’s exhausting. 

Hoping this 3 day weekend will allow me to recharge, reevaluate and recover a little bit more. 

John 16:13 
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

Proverbs 21:5 
The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.

James 1:5 
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

My journey to serenity continues…

My Truth, What Does The Bible Say???

Finding Hope in Healing…

I looked up the definition of HOPE. Hope is to trust in…..wait for……look for…..or desire for …..something or someone ……..beneficial in the future.

There was a time not long ago that I had hope in  my own ability to get a situation were I wanted it. The more I tried, the further from hope I got. 

If you are new to my blog, first welcome and thank you for reading and second what you should know is I struggle with codependency. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. 

We struggled for months and months with our addictions and our lives were completely out of control. With his encouragement, I kept waiting for him to hit his bottom and at each thing that turned out not to be his bottom, I was pulled further into a life that was not my own. 

It ended in the worst of ways. He went to jail and I went to the courthouse and got a protective order. Heartbroken and confused about how this all happened. 

  
I started attending a 12 step program about 6 months ago. I really felt hopeless when I first started. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I was so broken inside. 

With the grace of God, I kept attending meetings, tried different nights, started talking to people and found out about the program I now attend and just adore. 

I know that God goes before me and put people in my life to help me with my understanding of codependency and recovery. 

God had restored my hope and my hope rests in him. 

What does the Bible say about hope?

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Hebrews 11:1
Faith is the assurance of things you have hoped for, the absolute conviction that there are realities you’ve never seen. 

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

My journey to serenity continues…

My Truth, What Does The Bible Say???

Like a rose trampled on the ground…

Tuesday nights have become my favorite night of the week. Why? Because that is my Celebrate Recovery (CR) meeting night. I’m going to make an effort and add Friday night as well. Friday night is a different location. I always feel so much better after a meeting. Grounded. Loved. At peace. 

Here is part of my favorite song of the night…

 Above All
Michael Smith

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all 
 

 

Jesus sacrificed everything for me (and for you.) He paid the price for me (and for you) 

As I shared in yesterday’s post, this week a year ago was the beginning of the end . I’ve spent far too much time in the last 2 days reliving and beating myself up for not seeing what was going to happen. 

A conversation last night revealed to me that maybe just maybe God was protecting me from seeing it sooner because this needed to happen. And maybe just maybe it’s what was happening for my ex as well as me. I know God was working in my life and his. And as addiction took over his life and my codependency took over mine, this was what was needed to happen. 

I’m not saying that God wanted me to be hurt in all the ways I was but having been in THAT place and now not being there but being here working a program. That THAT got me to want to give my codependency to God. To trust His plan for me. To understand that I have had a my life long history of unhealthy relationships. 

What does the bible say about dwelling on the past…

Philippians 3:13-14 
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


2 Corinthians 5:17-18 
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. 

What is old has passed away and the new has come. Reminds me of a caterpillar and changing  becomes a butterfly. I want to become that butterfly. I can be that butterfly. I am that caterpillar and I am that butterfly.

 
I have this tattoo on my shoulder, sometimes I forget because I can’t see it. 
Fly high little butterfly, the view is better up there. 

My journey to serenity continues…

The pics used in this post are mine. That rose was given to me during a very dark day last year and I felt like a rose trampled on the ground. And the Fly high butterfly tattoo is on my right shoulder. 

My Truth, What Does The Bible Say???

Message in a bottle…

A letter of encouragement to myself. 

Mar, 

First please know that last year wasn’t our fault. We had 46 years that took us to this moment in time. Please know that we are stronger than you would ever admit to anyone least of all yourself. Our intentions during that time were from a positive caring place. And know that I am so proud of us. 

Second, I am so sorry he hurt us. In all the ways he did. It wasn’t our fault, it’s his. Let go of that burden. He owns that shit. If it were not for his actions none of this would have happened the way it went down.

Keep writing, it’s helping to get all these feelings and experiences up and out. Let it be heard from the roof top what happened and how hard we are working to heal all those parts of our heart. And sharing our journey  is helping others, it is. Read the comments other people are posting. 

 
At times it feels so heavy to keep carrying all this with you. Remember worry does not change outcome . Leave our hurts and burdens at Gods feet. He is in control. Let Him take care of it in His perfect timing. 

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Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Lamentations 3:25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

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Have you noticed how many people have said how nice it is to see your smile again or back to yourself. Or the person who told said I was like a different person than last year. 

Keep up the great work. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep reading. Keep going to meetings. Keep hanging around people in recovery. Keep talking. Keep your head up. Keep seeking God.

Now you have to do us a favor. 

I know I’m right because I’m crying writing this…..it’s time…..it’s time to feel that you are enough. Perfectly imperfect just how you are today. Know that we always were enough. 

 You know how you see and feel about the boys….making mistakes, growing, figuring out who they are, so proud it makes you cry….THAT is how God sees His precious daughter Mar.

Always-

Me

My journey to serenity continues…

I painted the pic used in this post and used Font Candy to add the text. =] 

My Truth, What Does The Bible Say???

You ARE the 5 people you hang around…

Do you not like where your life is???

Do you wish you were in a different place in your relationships or finances or weight???  

Have you ever looked around and wondered how did THIS become my life???

 

I have answered yes to all of these. 

Then I looked around the people I was hanging  with during the  summer of 2015. I discovered that they were in the middle of their addiction or irresponsibility or denial of what was going on. 

I thought…. I wasn’t drinking, not doing drugs, not on public assistance (not that there is anything wrong with it when you need a hand up, just not using it as a life style), not scamming for the next fix, not job searching, sorta, maybe, tomorrow I will, living in an awful place that the owner was in jail and the bank was going to foreclosed on it at some point so why not live there.  And yet there I was in the middle of it. The only one with a job. The only one with a car. The only one with a relationship with my kids. The only one with a roof over my head that was mine. They needed me and for some reason I needed to feel needed. 

The police were called to that awful place all the time. One night I was there when they were called and was wondering why because it was one of the quieter calmer nights. Shortly after the police arrived, I asked if it was ok that I leave. They asked me some questions. When my interview was over, the officer asked me what the hell was doing there? It was almost like a movie ‘what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this’. I answered ‘the guy passed out on the floor upstairs in the front bedroom, for some stupid reason i love him and need to get out of this place’.

Pump the breaks. What the hell am I doing. 

I have not talked to anyone from the house is a long time. One passed away in the house. She fell down the stairs and cracked her head on the concrete floor. I was there the night before. And it rattled the house into sobriety for a few days. Three were in jail but today I do not know where any of them are. 

Those 5 people were a mess in their addictions. And I became a different kind of mess right along with them.

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What does the Bible say about the people we hang around???

Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
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Now the 5 people that I hang around are sober, working a program, have great jobs, have wonderful supportive friends and family, have a relationship with God, and helping others with what they are passionate about. Not to say life is easy for these people but they sure are not filled with the chaos and harm to ones self and others. 

So who am I becoming…sober from codependency, working a program, have great job, have wonderful supportive friends and family, have a relationship with God, and am helping others by writing this blog and sharing my story. Not to say life is easy now but my life sure is not filled with the chaos and harm to ones self and others life it once was. 

Lots can happen when you change who you hang with. 

My journey to serenity continues…

The graphic was made with the help of google images and an app called Font Candy to add the text.