Tag Archives: 12 stepping

Promises…

Why does addiction start? Is it running from something? Is it escaping feelings? Is it trying to mask who they really are? 

Addiction in this sick way makes promises to the addict. Whispering promises like:

  • You Belong
  • You are in control
  • You are strong 
  • You can trust 
  • You have hope
  • You are confident
  • You are brave
  • You are full of joy
  • Your life is full 
  • You are worthy
  • You are not judged

And at first it works. The addict feels strong and in control and that they belong and that they can  use this mask to cover up what’s really going on inside them. 

After those feelings the addict is hit with guilt and shame and sadness that this illusion didn’t last long enough so they use again and again again to escape themselves and this internal prison. 

Here’s the truth…… RECOVERY DELIVERS EVERYTHING ADDICTION PROMISES and more. 

It is only by the power of recovery that you are able to:

  1. Admit you can’t 
  2. Know that God can
  3. Let God
  4. Look within
  5. Admit wrongs
  6. Get ready to change
  7. Seek Gods help
  8. Become willing 
  9. Make amends
  10. Do a daily inventory
  11. Pray and meditate
  12. Give it away


And just like how Recovery delivers addictions broken promises. These are Gods promises too. God has promised us:

  • we are forgiven
  • we are free
  • there is hope
  • we each have purpose
  • we each are gifted
  • that we are valued 
  • and that we are blessed! 

My journey to serenity continues….

no shame in my game…

I did an interview for another codependency blogger and will be featured in a few days. Pretty excited for that. One question that jumped out was…..Do you find being a codependent an embarrassing label? 

My answer may surprise some. I answered not at all and I’d like to explain more. 

I had never even heard the term codependency until late 2015. But I have been codependent for most of my life. It’s how I learned to cope, it’s what I thought Love looked like and for some time it served me well. That’s is until it didn’t and my life got completely out of control. 

Now that I have an understanding of codependency and where is came from for me, I have no shame around this term. 

The more people I met that struggle with this, the more I know that I am in good company. Men, women from all walks of life. Codependency for me has always come from a good place. A place of love and trying to protect someone. I know now this form of love is hurtful and doesn’t allow the other person involved to grow from the experience. 

Back 6 months ago or more, I want to a training event for Celebrate Recovery (CR). We were welcomed by a motorcycle group with CR Patches on their leather jackets with a big logo on the back that said ‘my chains are broken’. These men and women who on the surface not approachable but if you talk to them you know very quickly that they love the Lord and made the attendees feel welcomed and excited to be there. Was another example of not judging others. 

Just like during my regular meeting, I heard many of them introduce themselves just like I do…hi my name is —-, I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with codependency, YES! I’m in such good company. 

I am not ashamed of this label or being part of a recovery group. 

I carry my recovery tokens on my key chain. Recently, because of my tokens, I had the opportunity to talk to complete strangers about what they meant. And both times the person who asked took the time to share with me where they were in life and what they wanted to change. What a blessing to them and to me! 

No shame in my game!!! 

My journey to serenity continues…

Standing in Solidarity

As you may recall, I attend Celebrate Recovery which is a blended issue group. Anyone with any hurt habit or hang-up that separates you from God and want to change is welcomed with support, grace and love. 

Those who struggle with food, alcohol, drugs, codependency, anxiety, pornography and the like are all represented in the room. From every walk of life. And in every stage of recovery. We support one another in what we struggle with with much love, encouragement and grace. 

About 10 days ago, one of my fellow CR attendees lost her battle with her addiction. She struggled and was a fighter. She loved the Lord and trusted Him and His plan for her life. She touched many of our lives and I am grateful for the times her and I chatted before a meeting. 

Last night we honored her in only the we could. We had our meeting. The first 30 minutes we have a band play song and last night was no different. Songs filled with hope and trusting God plan for each of us. We laughed and cried and shared stories of our relationships with her and how she touched our lives. 

We stood in solidarity with her and with each other. 

According to Webster’s Dictionary, solidarity is defined as…

sol·i·dar·i·ty noun

unity or agreement of feeling or action, especially among individuals with a common interest; mutual support within a group

synonyms: unanimity, unity, like-mindedness, agreement, accord, harmony, consensus, concurrence, cooperation, cohesion, fraternity, mutual support; 

“our solidarity is what gives us the credibility and power to make changes”


My recovery family means so much to me. I would not be in this place in my life without their support, grace and love. They have taught me what friendship looks like, in the room and outside the room too. 

To my recovery sister – I know like I know like I know that you are free from your pain and struggle. You are with the angels, rejoicing in our victories and saving me seat in the most amazing meeting that I cannot even imagine filled with support, grace and love. 

My journey to serenity continues….

Thank you google images for the pic used in this post. 

I share my story because…

Someone asked me today, why do you share your story? Why do you blog? Why are you willing to share your story at a meeting? 

Well there are 3 parts to this answer…

#1. Sharing my story of love and recovery is for me aka the story teller. Because….

  • There is power is writing my story.
  • There is power in hearing myself say it out loud.
  • It keeps our story real and reminds me of how far i have come. 
  • It strengthens my commitment to my recovery. 
  • It helped me find my voice. 
  • It’s the ultimate form of self love or self care.
  • It’s one of the steps. Step 12 Having had a spiritual experience as a result of these steps, we try to carry this messsge to others and practice these principles in all of our affairs.
  • It’s a form of service to others. 

#2. Sharing my story of love and recovery is for others. Because…

  • I shine my light not for me but for someone else’s darkness. 
  • It shows others that they are not alone. 
  • It encourages others in their journey. 
  • It gives others hope in recovery. 
  • You create amazing friendships from those in recovery. 
  • Allows others with similar stories to have someone who can relate to and go to for support. 
  • We sharpen each other 
  • You can share tools and experience.

#3. Sharing my story of love and recovery is to glorify God. Because….

  • It is only by His grace, love and forgiveness that I am in this place today and I need to tell others what He has done for me. 

This girls journey to serenity continues…

500 Days of looking up!!! 

500 days of focusing on my needs. My program. My journey.

500 days of not looking back. 


500 days of understanding how my life was overtaken by chaos and having a plan in place to never allow that nonsense and foolishness to rule my world again. 

500 days of saying no to what no longer serves me but yes to things that do. 

500 days of trusting that I’m heading in the right direction. One step at a time. 

500 days of listening to my life tell an amazing story of understanding and letting go. 

500 days of steps forward and a few back, and sometimes standing still while feelings pass over me. But those steps back and standing still moments did not derail me, they did not stop my forward momentum. Instead those moments gave me rest to keep going. 

I am 500 days away from the addict/ codependent dance that I knew so well. 

I am 500 days closer to the person God wants me to be. 

I am 500 days closer to the life that I got off track from.

I still have work to do for sure but it’s amazing what can happen in just 500 days if you just let go and let God. 

500 days of looking up and thinking…I trust You. You hold the answers. I will praise You for all you have done in my life. 

My journey continues….one day at a time. 

I took this picture from my back yard and use font candy to add the text. 

Your past is meant to guide you……not define you! 

Awesome Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight. One couple celebrated 24 years of recovery today and they shared their testimony. 

It was a beautiful story of love and recovery and how God works in our lives. 

The husband ended their testimony with that events of the past do not define us. This got me thinking…

One part of my life that I am currently working hard on is the work life. 

If you are new to my story in 2015 I was in a relationship with a dry and then active alcoholic. My personal life was out of control and I let it effect my work life. I was demoted at work in July of that year and have been beating myself up ever since. 

I have let that demotion define me and have tried ever since to do whatever I needed to do to regain the trust from the management. Management has changed and I have had 4 positions since. They have moved me as there have been needs in different departments. 

I’m working a step 4 on my work life and working on forgiving myself. I’m working on seeing my value at work and understand that these things are taking me to the next place and it does not define me. 

My journey continues. 

This Girls Journey To Serenity 

PS I painted the picture used in this post. 

If I Had a Super Power…

For a long time I have asked myself ‘if I had a super power, what would it be?’ 

My answer has been the same for as long as I’ve asked. If I had a super power I would want to freeze time. To stay longer in a place and time. To enjoy the moment. To be able to do things that I just don’t have time for now. 

 
Then yesterday while listening to a podcast a Pastor said that we live life forward but understand it in reverse. 

So that got me thinking the last few days. How I have used time, wished it away (fast forward) or reflecting on the past (rewind), wished I could rewind just 30 seconds to say something differently or turn left and not right.  But I am getting a head of my myself, let me think out each one….

  
PAUSE – I’d love to have a pause button. To stay a little longer in a happy place. To enjoy my sons concert, or play or scout event for just a little longer. To paint for a little longer. To be at a meeting and enjoy the music for little longer. To be in an embrace for that much longer. To fellowship for that much longer. 

REWIND – I have looked at times in my past and replayed it. It’s like watching a movie. I want to yell Mar, turn left and not right, don’t chase him, it wasn’t your fault, let him find his bottom. Rewinding gives us the benefit of knowing the outcome. Knowing how that chapter ends and then seeing how it started and why I ended up where I did. 

FAST FORWARD – I hate to wish days away, but there have been times when I couldn’t wait until the end of day or week. I’ve wanted to hurry up and get to something so that it was over. Because the anticipation of how its going to end is almost too much. 

  
REWIND 30 SECONDS – Ever said something you regretted? Ever made a decision and within seconds wish you hadn’t? Ever turned right but you know you should have turned left? I can answer yes to all of those things. Wouldn’t it be amazing to suck those words back in from the word bubble above my head and say it differently? 

PLAY – is living in the moment, rolling with what life brings your way. Living with recovery means living in the truth. Remembering that God is in control. Living in recovery is owning my part and saying I’m sorry if I’ve said or did something unkind. Living in recovery means hope and trust. Living in recovery means openness. Living in recovery means the truth of with God I have the power to change and I should expect to change. Living in recovery means sanity over chaos. Living in recovery means living in action. Living in recovery means letting go and understanding. I like living in recovery. 

So I guess I’ve convinced myself that I don’t need the power power of freezing time because life with recovery is so much better living in pause. 

My journey to serenity continues…