Tag Archives: Gods Perfect Timing

Meeting you where you are….

One thing I love is that God meets us where we are. No need to perform before we start over. No check lists to check off. Doesn’t matter that it’s the 1st time or the 100th time we messed up, we have as many start overs that we need. And the one that matters is the last one. 

What does the Bible say about starting over…

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

See not only do I get to start over but I am also forgiven for the past mistakes. The old had passed and the new has come! 

What does the Bible say about the future…

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

My future is bright because of Gods grace and love. 

As I continue to heal and grow in recovery (it’s 18 months by the way) I love the direction my life is moving. I love the friendships that I have with others in recovery. 

I was thinking about how much this blog means to me and how I love to share about my recovery. And was also thinking about how I’ve been able to use my artwork in my posts. Art work that I made a year before my journey to recovery started. God knew that I would be in this place and be able to use both of these creative outlets. 

What’s next for me in my recovery? 

I’m finishing up a step study, we have a couple of weeks left. We are planning on staying together as a group and do another study together. I was also asked to co-lead the next women’s step study. I am now part of the leadership team for CR and I hope to start to do more for our group, like be able to teach now and then. I am working on a book about my experience in recovery! It’s an extension from my blog. I am in the process of writing it now. I started a local group of bloggers to support each other. We meet twice a month. It’s a fun group and we all blog different topics. 

God met me where I was and sent the right people to walk me out of the mess and chaos that was my life and now the more I trust His plan for me, the more amazing things are revealed to me. Because I’m ready now. I’m ready to share more with others about what God has done in my life! 

Stay on this journey with me….the best is yet to be. 

My journey to serenity continues…

A soft place to fall

I’ve been a fan of Dr Phil for a long time….like since he was on Oprah back in the day. 

Along with ‘so how’s that workin’ for ya’, another of his catch phrases is ‘we all need a soft place to fall.’ I always loved that one, the idea of being a soft place to fall for someone else. 

I realized that I misunderstood what being a soft place to fall really looked like for a really long time. 


I used to see it as making someone’s landing softer by fixing their problem for them. For example calling in sick for somesone because he was still drunk and couldn’t make the call themselves. Or doing something for someone else before they have even asked. Or I even paid a utility bill for someone who’s water was cut off and I didn’t tell them I did it. 

But what this did was it prevented the other person from having to deal with the consequences of their actions or lack there of or even letting them figure out when they should ask for help. 

I would often quietly take care of it. Not for the recognition. Not because I wanted to be thanked for doing it. And not even for them, it was really for me. For me to feel like better about being a good person. How selfish and ridiculous is that.  This actually makes me feel awful about all the times I interjected myself under the illusion of being helpful. 

Gosh this isn’t at all where I thought this post was going. I guess it’s a good thing I’m heading to my step study meeting. 

It’s so hard to see when you are being codependent when you are in the middle of doing it. 

My intentions were always from a loving place and I never wanted to harm anyone from growing from an experience. But I know I have. 

We all need a soft place to fall. I see this so different now. It’s not my place to just go fix stuff. Sometimes sitting on my hands is what I need to do, and let things play out. Boundaries help keeps me working my program. I can still be a soft place to fall with boundaries and waiting. 

I need a soft place to fall. I don’t have to do everything myself and am learning when I need to ask for help. 

I’ve got to jump off here and get to my meeting. So until next time…….

My journey to serenity continues…

That’s not mine….return to sender

I have not written about it in a while but my kids are not talking to their dad. 

It’s a sad situation all around but one I cannot control. It’s sad because everyone is hurting and when people hurt, I feel it deeply too. My heart aches that my boys are hurting and my heart aches that my ex-husband is hurting too. 

My boys see a counselor and continue to work out their feelings and how they want to handle this with their dad. Sorting out their feelings, understanding boundaries and working on life as teenagers and all that brings with it. 

My ex and I have had a decent co-parenting relationship since we divorced up until the boys each decided that they didn’t want to talk or see him anymore. 

On their own, they wrote him a letter. 

I understanding their hurts because I had the same ones. Over time I have gotten to the place that he is who he is. And I stopped having expectations that he is who I needed him to be and just accepted him for the person he is. 

Since being in my program, I have forgiven him for many things and now understand my part too.  

I can not fix the relationship between them. It’s not mine to fix. My ex knows how to push my old Codependent buttons but it doesn’t work anymore. And that frustrates him. 

He called me the other day and there was blaming and finger pointing in my direction. He is not yet in that place to see and own his part.  So he projected all of his anger about the situation at me. 

ITS NOT MINE, RETURN TO SENDER

Part of the serenity prayer comes to mind……and the wisdom to know the difference. I really do not want them to hurt, but this is not in my control. And is not for me to change. 

I encourage the boys to see the humanness of making mistakes. I encourage the boys to give a voice to how they feel and to create boundaries. And we talk about understanding and forgiveness. 

I pray for God will intervene in His timing to make this situation better for everyone. Only in the way He can. I could say more specific requests but it’s not what I want, it’s what each of them needs. Only God knows that and can begin to heal these relationships. So I am lifting this situation up to Him. 

My journey to serenity continues…

The price of playing poker…

Last year I thought I knew about boundaries. I thought I had boundaries. I thought I knew how that stuff worked. 

I didn’t. 

When my ex boyfriend hit a boundary what I should have done is stuck to it and give him push back but what I did is run around covering for him, made excuses and I put myself and my family at risk. 

The price of playing poker and the stakes are high. 

The price of playing poker for me was my worst nightmare…my children. When things got out of control again in July, my kids left and went to live with my ex husband. 2 of my kids left for 2 weeks. 1 just came back home last month. 

That was the darkest time of my life. After the boys left, I kicked my ex out of the house again. 

I remember sobbing on the sofa. That awful cry that no one should see. I felt so alone and crushed by what was happening around me. My kids left and my boyfriend in binge drinking and my life was a mess. 

 

I cried so much I felt dehydrated. Terrible things went through my mind. What if I wasn’t here. What if I ended it all because the pain I felt just almost too much to handle. And what stopped me, was I couldn’t leave my boys. I couldn’t burden them with the pain I was feeling. It would end my pain, but increase their pain a million times and I couldn’t let them think it was their fault, because it was mine. 

After I was out of tears, I had to figure out what to do. And I continued to make foolish decisions because all I wanted back was the sober man who said he loved me. 

But the mistake I made is that I ran after him. I continued to make excuses even to myself to justify his bad behavior. I was not truthful to my sons when they came back home about where I was and who I was with. 

It’s took me several more months to unravel my heart and head from this relationship. 

And it ended with a protective order and my broken heart. 

In some ways I feel like I am still paying the price of playing poker. It has taken time to earn my boys trust again. It has taken time to unravel my heart from his. I am healing. It will take time. More than I want it to because we what what we what when we want it. 

All things happen on Gods perfect timing. God is working in my life everyday. And I am grateful to have finally be in this place and not in that place anymore. 

My journey to serenity continues…

The graphic used in this post was created with the help of Google Images and Font Candy to add the text.