Tag Archives: letting go

Promises…

Why does addiction start? Is it running from something? Is it escaping feelings? Is it trying to mask who they really are? 

Addiction in this sick way makes promises to the addict. Whispering promises like:

  • You Belong
  • You are in control
  • You are strong 
  • You can trust 
  • You have hope
  • You are confident
  • You are brave
  • You are full of joy
  • Your life is full 
  • You are worthy
  • You are not judged

And at first it works. The addict feels strong and in control and that they belong and that they can  use this mask to cover up what’s really going on inside them. 

After those feelings the addict is hit with guilt and shame and sadness that this illusion didn’t last long enough so they use again and again again to escape themselves and this internal prison. 

Here’s the truth…… RECOVERY DELIVERS EVERYTHING ADDICTION PROMISES and more. 

It is only by the power of recovery that you are able to:

  1. Admit you can’t 
  2. Know that God can
  3. Let God
  4. Look within
  5. Admit wrongs
  6. Get ready to change
  7. Seek Gods help
  8. Become willing 
  9. Make amends
  10. Do a daily inventory
  11. Pray and meditate
  12. Give it away


And just like how Recovery delivers addictions broken promises. These are Gods promises too. God has promised us:

  • we are forgiven
  • we are free
  • there is hope
  • we each have purpose
  • we each are gifted
  • that we are valued 
  • and that we are blessed! 

My journey to serenity continues….

Meeting you where you are….

One thing I love is that God meets us where we are. No need to perform before we start over. No check lists to check off. Doesn’t matter that it’s the 1st time or the 100th time we messed up, we have as many start overs that we need. And the one that matters is the last one. 

What does the Bible say about starting over…

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

See not only do I get to start over but I am also forgiven for the past mistakes. The old had passed and the new has come! 

What does the Bible say about the future…

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

My future is bright because of Gods grace and love. 

As I continue to heal and grow in recovery (it’s 18 months by the way) I love the direction my life is moving. I love the friendships that I have with others in recovery. 

I was thinking about how much this blog means to me and how I love to share about my recovery. And was also thinking about how I’ve been able to use my artwork in my posts. Art work that I made a year before my journey to recovery started. God knew that I would be in this place and be able to use both of these creative outlets. 

What’s next for me in my recovery? 

I’m finishing up a step study, we have a couple of weeks left. We are planning on staying together as a group and do another study together. I was also asked to co-lead the next women’s step study. I am now part of the leadership team for CR and I hope to start to do more for our group, like be able to teach now and then. I am working on a book about my experience in recovery! It’s an extension from my blog. I am in the process of writing it now. I started a local group of bloggers to support each other. We meet twice a month. It’s a fun group and we all blog different topics. 

God met me where I was and sent the right people to walk me out of the mess and chaos that was my life and now the more I trust His plan for me, the more amazing things are revealed to me. Because I’m ready now. I’m ready to share more with others about what God has done in my life! 

Stay on this journey with me….the best is yet to be. 

My journey to serenity continues…

Trust God 

My sister in law passed away on June 1st, at her celebration of life the Celebrant shared this poem with us. 

Jenny’s poem. 

Trust God’s wisdom to guide
Trust his goodness to provide
Trust his saving love and power
Trust him every day and hour
Trust him as the only light
Trust him in the darkest night
Trust in sickness
Trust in health
Trust in poverty and in wealth
Trust him living – dying too
Trust him all the journey through


Struggling with codependency, letting go and trusting God is hard. And shows up in places that I sometimes don’t expect. 

With the loss of a dear friend and father figure. I need to let go and trust God. 

What does the Bible say about Trusting God… Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

Finding recovery in unexpected places. 

My journey to serenity continues…..

That space between…

I don’t know what to call it, I’m sure it has a name. But that space between when something happens and your reaction to it. 

In a split second, the committee in my head hold an emergency meeting, deciding who is heading up the reaction. Is Anger in charge? How about Fear, is she in charge of this situation? Fear wants me to be safe so will isolate. How about Happy or Joy? 


During that space between between there is a lot going on. 

If you had asked me 18 months ago how would you react to ———. And if you asked me today how would you react to the same ———-. I’d like to think that my reaction would be different.

In fact, I more than I’d like to think and here is why…..

Before recovery, I was reactive. Often with tears because every was overwhelming. Or I would have tried to figure out how to fix it without upsetting anyone. Very often putting my needs last. And sometimes just walking away and isolating. 

Now, almost 18 months of WORKING a program, my reactions to similar situations are different. I’m much more neutral. Skills I’ve learned like boundaries or expressing my actual feeling in a healthy way. 

I can now say no, and it’s a complete sentence. I don’t have to justify or explain it. It’s just no…..what the hell, that’s a real thing! Who knew! LOL

Those emergency committee meetings in my head, they still happen and sometimes Angry and Fear want to be in control but now it’s different. I now have a team of recovery friends I can reach out to and ask for help. Get a reality check. Or just get support. 

That space between, I like that space. There’s a lot of good stuff that happens in that space between. 

My journey to serenity continues…

That’s not mine….return to sender

I have not written about it in a while but my kids are not talking to their dad. 

It’s a sad situation all around but one I cannot control. It’s sad because everyone is hurting and when people hurt, I feel it deeply too. My heart aches that my boys are hurting and my heart aches that my ex-husband is hurting too. 

My boys see a counselor and continue to work out their feelings and how they want to handle this with their dad. Sorting out their feelings, understanding boundaries and working on life as teenagers and all that brings with it. 

My ex and I have had a decent co-parenting relationship since we divorced up until the boys each decided that they didn’t want to talk or see him anymore. 

On their own, they wrote him a letter. 

I understanding their hurts because I had the same ones. Over time I have gotten to the place that he is who he is. And I stopped having expectations that he is who I needed him to be and just accepted him for the person he is. 

Since being in my program, I have forgiven him for many things and now understand my part too.  

I can not fix the relationship between them. It’s not mine to fix. My ex knows how to push my old Codependent buttons but it doesn’t work anymore. And that frustrates him. 

He called me the other day and there was blaming and finger pointing in my direction. He is not yet in that place to see and own his part.  So he projected all of his anger about the situation at me. 

ITS NOT MINE, RETURN TO SENDER

Part of the serenity prayer comes to mind……and the wisdom to know the difference. I really do not want them to hurt, but this is not in my control. And is not for me to change. 

I encourage the boys to see the humanness of making mistakes. I encourage the boys to give a voice to how they feel and to create boundaries. And we talk about understanding and forgiveness. 

I pray for God will intervene in His timing to make this situation better for everyone. Only in the way He can. I could say more specific requests but it’s not what I want, it’s what each of them needs. Only God knows that and can begin to heal these relationships. So I am lifting this situation up to Him. 

My journey to serenity continues…

my life is telling a story…

My life is telling a story. The story is based on every decision I’ve made. Good decisions and bad ones too. 

My story tells the story about a girl who learned to cope with life by being codependent. This served her well for a while until it didn’t. As she lost herself trying to fix someone else and trying to fix the person before him and the one before him too. 

She was about to give up when she found her life to be wreck. Like a 100 car train wreck. Parts smashed and broken beyond repair. Off the track as far as the eye can see in all directions. Everything is just a mess. 

But then she made a different decision. She found a Christian based recovery group and she was reminded that God is in control and she didn’t have to try to control everything around her. 


Because of wanting and being willing to understand and let go, she no longer had to feel responsible for so many things that were out of her control in the first place. And she started to heal the parts of her heart that had hurt for so long that those parts were numb to the pain. 

She made new decisions everyday. Everyday committing to let God guide her footsteps. 

Today her life is telling a different story. This girl is seeking and listening and finding her way to the living the life my soul intended. 

 I have no idea why but this quote from Henry David Thoreau came to mind tonight. But it did so have to go with it. ‘Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them”? 

There is no more quiet desperation for me and I am singing loud and proud of this amazing story of grace and love that God is giving to me. 

Me…..this girl…..derailed and broken beyond repair…..or so I thought. Praise God for his love and kindness that is waiting for all of us. 

Continue on this journey with me, the best is yet to be. 

This girls journey to serenity continues. 
I took the picture used in this post while writing at my favorite local coffee shop. 

Living the Serenity Prayer

Tonight it accurred to me that working a program and studying the steps is living the serenity prayer. 

Here is what I mean…..

I am in that place of understanding that It served me best to accept the things that I cannnot change and to give those things to God. As someone who struggles with codependency, this is hard. My default is to want to fix it. I would feel a responsibility to help even when it was never my place to do so. So accepting things for what they are, is amazing. 

Courage to change the things I can. This takes action to change things I can. I may not like how someone interacted with me but I am in charge of how I react. I may not like how someone else does something, but it’s ok they do it differently than I do. This new thought process is powerful. 

And the wisdom to know the difference. Knowing the difference between what I cannot change and what I can takes prayer and willingness to pause. Hit the pause button. Talk to trusted healthy recovery friends. And to pray about it. Asking for wisdom. That’s huge! 

Living one day at a time. Addictive behaviors be it codependency or drugs or alcohol or enter in the vice of your choice here starts as a way to cope with something else. Maybe to avoid feelings or to avoid conflict. Maybe to escape what is really going on. Whatever it is, it becomes part of who you are and how you cope. So then with recovery, we learn a new way of coping. We replace these old behaviors with new healthy ones. This takes efforts, patience and practice to make a new heathy choice. And it’s done one decision at a time, one day at a time. 

Enjoying one moment at a time is being present. Enjoying good times and staying present in hard times too. In those hard moments, that is where you find recovery and start to use your new found tools and way of coping. It’s so easy to shut down or go to your vice. But when you don’t and you make the next right choice that is enjoying one moment at a time. 

Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace. Remember what I just said….being present in hard times too. The darkest nights makes the brightest stars. And hard days lead to better ones and sometimes you just have to hold on until a better day comes. The only way I keep growing into the person God wants me to be is to face hardships and lean into Him to get past them. 

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. This sentence always makes me think. You don’t think for a second that when Jesus was here on earth that he didn’t want to change it? He sure could have but he didn’t. He loved the sinner and used their stories to give hope to others. He used ordinary people to show others extraordinary love, courage, strength, grace and hope. 

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to Your Will. This is about trusting God. He gave us free will, because He wants us to want to have a relationship with Him. Letting go and trusting Him. His will not mine. God has this amazing gift of already knowing the end of the story. Every right choice and every wrong one too. Every time I’ve turned my back on him, His plan was to bring me back and He sent people to meet me where I was and walk along side me. His will in His timing. 

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life.  Reasonably means in a fair and sensible way. There are days I feel happy and there are days I feel very happy. And there are days that I am not happy at all but I think this word is used because of the next sentence. 

And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.  Supremely means well or excellently. Forever in the next it’s a happy that I can’t even imagine. It’s a joy and peace that had no earthly words. The difference between fair and sensible vs well and excellently is miles and miles apart. 

This is just my take on this powerful prayer. I say it out loud every morning in the car on the way to work. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can; 
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world 
As it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right 
If I surrender to His Will; 
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
And supremely happy with Him 
Forever in the next. 
Amen.

My journey to serenity continues….