Tag Archives: love myself again

Two sides of HOPE

Side one…..In the past I had…..

Hoped that he would change
Hoped that he would notice my pain
Hoped that he would keep his promises 
Hoped that he would stop drinking
Hoped he would choose me
Hoped that I would be heard this time 
Hoped that the family would be come first
Hoped that this time would be the time
Hoped that this time would be different
Hoped others didn’t notice
Hoped someone kinda would have noticed
Hoped I can fix it
Hoped I was doing the right thing…..knowing it was the wrong thing


                              Faith    HOPE      Love   Continue 

Side two……Now HOPE is different for me. 

I don’t hope in other people. Or even in myself. Don’t get me wrong, HOPE is all about positive feelings of expectation, trust and desire for a certain thing to happen. 

But today my HOPE is in God and trusting His plans for my life. From the many gifts He has given me not only to be my best self but to also live out the 12 steps and glorify Him in all of my affairs. 

My journey to serenity continues…

I designed this tattoo on my arm. Faith Hope Love and I choose to continue. 

Love after Love

2015 was filled is bad decisions and me trying to hold onto a relationship that was overtaken by addiction and codependency. 

Nonsense and foolishness ruled my day. 

Once the dust settled, the healing started. The one person I needed to forgive the most was myself. I’m still working on that. It breaks my heart to know how my actions impacted me and my family. 

If I had a super power I would rewind time. So I could go back to the night he asked me to move in with me. I would ask a lot more questions and I would have trusted my gut and said no. 

Since I don’t have super powers, I had to just start from where I was and make the decision to put one foot in front of the other. 

I struggle sometimes when I am reminded of the good times we had. Doing the simple day to day things. That were all lost because of his addiction and my codependency. And simple day to day was no more. 

I heard this poem and saved it well over a year ago. Before any of this started. Proves to me again that God goes before me and He knew that one day I would cling to these words…that I found it at the exact time I need to. 

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LOVE AFTER LOVE

by Derek Wilcott

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

*************

I have greeted myself at my own door with elation. I am feasting on life. I am so worth it. I am filled with love and joy. 

I have started to forgive myself and love myself again.