Tag Archives: sad

Life is short…..missing my friend

Yesterday I texted my friend Mike….’hope all is well in your corner of the world.’ I’ve sent this message many times to him as to others. 

To my shock, Mikes wife texted me back that Mike had passed away from a massive heart attack 13 days ago. She was so sorry for having to tell me by text. 

I am just beside myself with grief. 

I read through all of the text massages between Mike and I and wanted to share…..

Mike was an engineer and worked for NASA for a long time. He owned every tool you could imagine and many he owned 2 or 3. 

We became friends when the high school did Fiddler on the Roof and we built the cart for the show together. Well he designed and built it and I handed him tools. but it was easier with 2. I asked him questions about why he did things in that order and he liked my curiosity about how things worked. 

Mike had no idea what he got himself into when he offered to repay me for helping with the cart, he would work on my car for the cost of parts. Over the years I can’t even count how many times he worked on my car. Always wanting to save me money, he would take things apart and replace only what was needed to be replaced. Sometimes that worked and sometimes not so much and he would end up replacing the entire part. 

Most of the time I was there when he worked in my car. And he always explained stuff to me and I happily listened and asked questions and handed him tools. 

When he was done he’d say ‘I have one question for you. Who da man?’ And I’d say ‘YOU ARE’. 

Mike came to all the plays the boys were in both at school and with community theatre. 

We talked about family and I know how much he loved his kids. Keith who died at 13 from a brain tumor. And he would beam when he talked about his daughter. 

Mike wanted to stay connected to his son and was very active with the high school drama even though Keith never made it to high school. His daughter was active in theater, she was a senior when my son was a freshman. (Keith would have been a sophomore) the year that Keith would have graduated, Mike went to help set up the chairs. They had a chair for Keith but Mike couldn’t stay. It was just too hard. I think he just wanted to make sure no one forgot about Keith. 

I laughed at some of the text messages we exchanged. I’d say ‘ok awesome’ and he wrote back ‘what no sauce’ ‘Ok ok awesomesauce.’ I’d say back. Or in one of our last text conversations he said I was doing pretty well on my own and while money won’t buy happiness, happiness won’t buy groceries and to hang in there. 
Earlier this year I told him that my man picker was broken and I wasn’t going to date anyone. He said….I have a theory…..that I should park in front of a hardware store, barber shop, auto part store and the like (just not a bar) and put my hood up. And the man who comes to help me is observant, caring and capable…..or he could just want to wear your skin as a suit. There’s always that element of surprise. Thanks Mike for the advise. 

I’ll miss you Mike. You were a blessing to me for a long time. Thank you so much for you did for me. I am so very grateful for the time we had together. You will never be forgotten. 

I feel like someone stole a security blanket. I knew he was always a text away. My heart hurts that he is not anymore. 

Until we meet again…..

My journey to serenity continues…

An Open Letter to the Committee in My Head! 

Dear Committee in My Head- 

I’m sure there are more than 6 of you but I’d like to address you. 

HaPpY – I drew you in pink because it my favorite color and I imagine you would be in all pink. I love having you around more lately.

Grateful – You remind me to full my heart of all the small things that matter.  Little things add up to big feelings. Coming from a grateful place keeps me grounded in what I have.    

Envy – I don’t like when you show up. Like yesterday when a friend told me she was dating someone new, you had to pipe up and get in my head. You come from comparing my life to others and really I’m just focused on being me and embracing who I am not need to compare. 

Angry – I don’t feel you that often. But you sure make a statement when I do. You have a time and place and I’m grateful that I’ve gotten better at expressing you in a more healthy way.

Oh Lonely and Sad, how I do love you. We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last few years. You’ve been with me on some long dark days. I wish You guys weren’t around so much. I think it’s getting better as HaPpY and Grateful are around more. 

 
All of you have a time and place. Please know I need all of you to be human but when one stays too long, it’s not healthy for any of us. 

Thanks for making me, me. 

Grow with me, the best is yet to be. 

XXOO

This girls journey to serenity

I drew the feelings in this post. =]