Tag Archives: serenity prayer

Two sides of HOPE

Side one…..In the past I had…..

Hoped that he would change
Hoped that he would notice my pain
Hoped that he would keep his promises 
Hoped that he would stop drinking
Hoped he would choose me
Hoped that I would be heard this time 
Hoped that the family would be come first
Hoped that this time would be the time
Hoped that this time would be different
Hoped others didn’t notice
Hoped someone kinda would have noticed
Hoped I can fix it
Hoped I was doing the right thing…..knowing it was the wrong thing


                              Faith    HOPE      Love   Continue 

Side two……Now HOPE is different for me. 

I don’t hope in other people. Or even in myself. Don’t get me wrong, HOPE is all about positive feelings of expectation, trust and desire for a certain thing to happen. 

But today my HOPE is in God and trusting His plans for my life. From the many gifts He has given me not only to be my best self but to also live out the 12 steps and glorify Him in all of my affairs. 

My journey to serenity continues…

I designed this tattoo on my arm. Faith Hope Love and I choose to continue. 

That’s not mine….return to sender

I have not written about it in a while but my kids are not talking to their dad. 

It’s a sad situation all around but one I cannot control. It’s sad because everyone is hurting and when people hurt, I feel it deeply too. My heart aches that my boys are hurting and my heart aches that my ex-husband is hurting too. 

My boys see a counselor and continue to work out their feelings and how they want to handle this with their dad. Sorting out their feelings, understanding boundaries and working on life as teenagers and all that brings with it. 

My ex and I have had a decent co-parenting relationship since we divorced up until the boys each decided that they didn’t want to talk or see him anymore. 

On their own, they wrote him a letter. 

I understanding their hurts because I had the same ones. Over time I have gotten to the place that he is who he is. And I stopped having expectations that he is who I needed him to be and just accepted him for the person he is. 

Since being in my program, I have forgiven him for many things and now understand my part too.  

I can not fix the relationship between them. It’s not mine to fix. My ex knows how to push my old Codependent buttons but it doesn’t work anymore. And that frustrates him. 

He called me the other day and there was blaming and finger pointing in my direction. He is not yet in that place to see and own his part.  So he projected all of his anger about the situation at me. 

ITS NOT MINE, RETURN TO SENDER

Part of the serenity prayer comes to mind……and the wisdom to know the difference. I really do not want them to hurt, but this is not in my control. And is not for me to change. 

I encourage the boys to see the humanness of making mistakes. I encourage the boys to give a voice to how they feel and to create boundaries. And we talk about understanding and forgiveness. 

I pray for God will intervene in His timing to make this situation better for everyone. Only in the way He can. I could say more specific requests but it’s not what I want, it’s what each of them needs. Only God knows that and can begin to heal these relationships. So I am lifting this situation up to Him. 

My journey to serenity continues…

Living the Serenity Prayer

Tonight it accurred to me that working a program and studying the steps is living the serenity prayer. 

Here is what I mean…..

I am in that place of understanding that It served me best to accept the things that I cannnot change and to give those things to God. As someone who struggles with codependency, this is hard. My default is to want to fix it. I would feel a responsibility to help even when it was never my place to do so. So accepting things for what they are, is amazing. 

Courage to change the things I can. This takes action to change things I can. I may not like how someone interacted with me but I am in charge of how I react. I may not like how someone else does something, but it’s ok they do it differently than I do. This new thought process is powerful. 

And the wisdom to know the difference. Knowing the difference between what I cannot change and what I can takes prayer and willingness to pause. Hit the pause button. Talk to trusted healthy recovery friends. And to pray about it. Asking for wisdom. That’s huge! 

Living one day at a time. Addictive behaviors be it codependency or drugs or alcohol or enter in the vice of your choice here starts as a way to cope with something else. Maybe to avoid feelings or to avoid conflict. Maybe to escape what is really going on. Whatever it is, it becomes part of who you are and how you cope. So then with recovery, we learn a new way of coping. We replace these old behaviors with new healthy ones. This takes efforts, patience and practice to make a new heathy choice. And it’s done one decision at a time, one day at a time. 

Enjoying one moment at a time is being present. Enjoying good times and staying present in hard times too. In those hard moments, that is where you find recovery and start to use your new found tools and way of coping. It’s so easy to shut down or go to your vice. But when you don’t and you make the next right choice that is enjoying one moment at a time. 

Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace. Remember what I just said….being present in hard times too. The darkest nights makes the brightest stars. And hard days lead to better ones and sometimes you just have to hold on until a better day comes. The only way I keep growing into the person God wants me to be is to face hardships and lean into Him to get past them. 

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. This sentence always makes me think. You don’t think for a second that when Jesus was here on earth that he didn’t want to change it? He sure could have but he didn’t. He loved the sinner and used their stories to give hope to others. He used ordinary people to show others extraordinary love, courage, strength, grace and hope. 

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to Your Will. This is about trusting God. He gave us free will, because He wants us to want to have a relationship with Him. Letting go and trusting Him. His will not mine. God has this amazing gift of already knowing the end of the story. Every right choice and every wrong one too. Every time I’ve turned my back on him, His plan was to bring me back and He sent people to meet me where I was and walk along side me. His will in His timing. 

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life.  Reasonably means in a fair and sensible way. There are days I feel happy and there are days I feel very happy. And there are days that I am not happy at all but I think this word is used because of the next sentence. 

And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.  Supremely means well or excellently. Forever in the next it’s a happy that I can’t even imagine. It’s a joy and peace that had no earthly words. The difference between fair and sensible vs well and excellently is miles and miles apart. 

This is just my take on this powerful prayer. I say it out loud every morning in the car on the way to work. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can; 
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world 
As it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right 
If I surrender to His Will; 
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
And supremely happy with Him 
Forever in the next. 
Amen.

My journey to serenity continues….

Staying in gratitude…

Today I am thankful for…

  • Waking up with love in my heart
  • Walking with others in recovery
  • Children who love and are so kind to Each other and others 
  • Dogs who love unconditionally 
  • A roof over my head 
  • A warm place to sleep
  • Food in my cabinet 
  • Coffee and quiet mornings
  • Naps when you need one on a chilly afternoon 

Everyday I have gratitude for these thing and much more. 

Coming from a place of gratitude leaves no room for complaining. Staying focused on all the positive wonderful things and people that are in my life. Big things and many many many little things that bring me joy. 

This keeps my eyes focused on God and reminds me that He is in control. That while sometimes I wish I could control the world around me, it’s not my place or job. Just as the serenity prayer states, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Wisdom, grace, love….all freely giving to those who ask Him for it. 

The enemy does not like gratitude. Because that brings us closer to God. The enemy remains under my feet which is where it belongs. 

My journey to serenity continues….

The Other Serenity Prayer

i needed this today…..maybe you do as well. 

The Other Serenity Prayer

By Eleanor Brownn 

God, grant me the serenity to stop
beating myself for not doing
things perfectly, the courage to 
forgive myself because I’m 
working on doing better and the 
wisdom to know that you already 
love me just the way I am.  

When you are tired it’s easy to be your own punching bag. I’ve been running on empty for so long I don’t think I know much else. 

Heading to bed. Early for me, it’s before 11. 

Night. Be kind. Especially to yourself. 

My journey to serenity continues…

This place called serenity…

According to the WebstersDictionary serenity means clear, free of storms or unpleasant change, shining bright and steady. 

Synonyms include calm, peaceful, restful, quiet, still, tranquil. 

What calm, peaceful, clear, shining bright means to me may mean something different to you. 

I have calm in my life. When it comes to the everyday stuff. 

I have peace in my home again. I no longer have to look around for my ex boyfriend As I come and go. No longer feel that fear when my phone rings or I get a text message. I don’t worry about my boys walking to and from school and see him. I don’t worry that he’ll show up to the high school football game because he knows I would be there. I don’t have to think about him standing by my mailbox. 

The days ahead look clear. As long as I stay on track. Keep working my program. Keep being honest with myself. Keep my head up. 

And I will keep shining bright. Sharing my story so that I can shine my light on someone else’s darkness. 

I read the Serenity Prayer every morning.  It starts my day off in the right mind set. Reminding me that some things are how they are supposed to be and that its my responsibility to change things I can and understand which is which. To take things one day at a time. Understanding hard days leads me to good ones. That God is in control and not me. And one day, in Gods timing I will be in paradise with the Lord. 

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.

I am well on my way to a clear, free of storms or unpleasant change, shining bright, steady, calm, peaceful, restful, quiet, still, tranquil life. Come join me, the best is yet to be. 

My journey to serenity continues…

The darkest nights produces the brightest stars…

A series of unfortunate events brought me to the wonderful place of recovery, self awareness, understanding and healing. 

 

Codependency is about control, dependency, lack of boundaries and denial. 

I have a long history of life events that culminated into my life being unmanageable last year. 

I have learned so much in the past 5 months. And grown in leaps over the past 2 months. 

I have 2 current struggles going on this week. I am fighting my default way of handling them. I am sitting back and allow of things to play out without my ‘help’. 

The first struggle is between my ex husband and our children. This has been building for years and I’m sad to see its gotten to this point. I am stuck in the middle. In trying to encourage communication and willingness on both sides. But this is out of my control. All I can do is let my kids know I’m here for them. I am a safe place for them to be heard. 

The other struggle is that I got a summons to appear in court in late April today. My ex boyfriend has put in a motion to dissolve my protective order. There is a slim to none chance of this happening. The thought of having to go to court and see him again makes me feel physically ill. 

One day at a time. One moment at a time on difficult days. 

God, give me serenity to accept the things i cannot be changed. The Courage to change the things that I can ,and the Wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

My journey to serenity continues….

PS I painted the picture used in this post.