My Truth

Self Care

Ever thought about what they say in the safety message when you take a trip on an airplane. And how it applies to life outside that flight? I have.

They say something like, ‘In the unlikely event we lose oxygen. Oxygen masks will drop down from above your seat. Place the mask over your mouth and nose. Make sure that your own mask is on first before helping others.’

Why do they say this? Because when we must take care of ourselves first before we are able to take care of others.

Imagine in the plane, if the person next to you was struggling and then you helped them, now you are suddenly struggling. And the both of you panic and can’t figure it out. It can happen so quickly.

Self-care starts and ends with God and His will for our lives.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

I love that, ‘be transformed by the renewing of your mind.’ And of course ‘His good, pleasing and perfect will.’

Truly trusting God and His will for my life is transforming. I’ve seen it first hand in others and I’ve lived it.

Self care does not come easy to me. For a long time, I ran until I was empty having nothing left for myself. Self care sounded selfish. I wasn’t getting my my needs met so I’d fill up all of my time with taking care of others. In all parts of life.

But now I have a new perspective. I need to put my own oxygen mask on. I need to fill myself up with healthy habits. We can’t pour from an empty cup.

Can’t pour from an empty cup!

Attending meetings is part of my weekly self-care routine. I’m a better me and am able to serve my family, friends, Church, Celebrate Recovery and work. Prayer and journaling daily are also part of my routines. I guess it’s living Steps 10-12 or Celebrate Recovery Principles 8 and 9.

Ready to take some action steps and make self care a priority? Tell me about it!

My journey to serenity continues…

My Truth

I Am From – Parts one and two

Part One

I am from pink plaid flowered wall paper and a canopy bed

from tigger and a little pink blanket with satin edges

From sucking my thumb, quiet and shy

I am from cedar trees and mint

Who’s fragrances permeate my soul

And place where when Church bells meant dinner was ready

I am the youngest and forever the baby

And I lonely

Lonely in a houseful of people

No one noticed

No one sees

I am a struggling student

Letters, sounds, I see them but I don’t understand how to link them

Years of tutors and summer school

Nothing makes sense

Nothing is helping

Nothing is helping Because they don’t know

They don’t know that I think it’s my fault

That I am afraid

I’m distracted and confused

I am from alcohol

From a place of forgotten conversations, but I was not the one who forgot

That place where I disappear

That no one notices

That what feels like no one cares

I am older now, I want to tell

But I can’t, I’m too afraid

Now too much time as passed

It doesn’t matter anymore

The damage is already done

My slate is forever changed

Part Two

I am from self reliance but

Hate to make decisions

It’s easier for me to allow others to decide for me

I am from broken promises

From saying one thing and doing another

I am from a place where my partner in life sees an obstacle as a stop sign

And I want to climb over it

Or dig under it

Or figure out a way around it

A place that if we can’t do those things

That we will take the hit together but

Right before the hit, I am alone

I am from a place where everything is funny if you have a few drinks, well funny to him anyway

From a place of forgotten conversations, but I was not the one who forgot

That putting others down makes him feel bigger

From a place that my fears or dreams were not heard, acknowledged or addressed

From a place that silence meant everything was ok

That at some point, I gave up

And he didn’t notice

So when I left, he had no idea why

Alone

Unlovable

A shell

The enemy knew I so desperately wanted to be heard.

To be from a place of love

To be from a place where I mattered, where I was enough

And he came along

He quickly gave me those things that I was thirsty for

I then was from a place of denial

That things that should have been stop signs, I justified

I overlooked

I lied to myself and everyone else

Others saw what I was blind to because that being from that place of love and acceptance meant more to me

That place was short lived and I was shattered

I am now from a place of covering him

From putting myself in harms way

I am from fear of someone finding out

From alcohol

From a place of forgotten conversations, but I was not the one who forgot

I am from a place of his lies

His disfunction

A place of waiting for him to hit bottom

I am from a place of letting everyone down

And wanting to end it all

I am from these places but I’m not in those places anymore

My journey continues…

Writing Part 3

My Truth

Stability…

At work today I was listening to YouTube (as usual) and a TD Jakes clip played…

You didn’t get to pick what shaped your world. But you do get to pick what stabilizes it’

This to me is so timely and powerful. I have been looking for stability in my life for a long time. I’ve felt like I was white knuckling life got the last 20 plus years. All day. Everyday. Trying to control everything.

And what brought me the stability that I’ve been looking for? A little 12 Step Christ centered program called Celebrate Recovery.

I’ve found a new stride. My new normal. It’s a pretty happy place. Not without challenges. Not without struggles. Not without upset. That’s just called life. And because of that I’ve learned 12 stepping, living the 12 steps daily and by God’s Grace, I can cope in a new way.

Finding stability when life is always changing. Finding stability when the unexpected happens. Finding stability in an uncertain world.

No longer do I need to live in secret, silence or shame. No longer do I worry about what someone may think of my situation or of me. As a mother, sister or friend.

This stability that I thought was so far out of reach, wasn’t. And as I continue to let go of control and trust God and His plan for

my life, the more stable I have become.

And the more stable I become, the more I need to be stable.

Stay on this ride with me, the best is yet to be.

My journey continues…

Ps I painted the pic used in this post.

My Truth

Awareness, Seeing Things In A New Way

The thing about continuing to work a recovery program is that you (or me in this case) get the opportunity to continue to have a deeper understanding of myself. A new level of awareness. Healing even deeper.

This is the most stressful time at work and between Thanksgiving and Christmas has been a very difficult time of year for me personally and emotionally for YEARS. So in the middle of chaos and heart ache, I decided to do this work.

Crazy right!

Well, it has forced me to make time for myself. It’s made me practice some self care when I’m exhausted after a long day at work. To set aside time to read. Process what I’ve learned. Write about it. And have a weekly meetings about it.

I’m doing some work on grieving. I’m reading a really good book that has pointed out some things that has gotten me looking a things in a different way. About things I had not thought about in a long time but now thinking about them in a different way.

We are just at the thick of it. It’s just like that part in working the 12 steps….step 4 and 5. During that part, many people walk away because it’s hard. Its scary because you are afraid of being judged or embarrassed or feel shame around what you did or didn’t do. It’s pulling the curtain back and being vulnerable.

To be open enough to say those things out loud that no one talks about. Those things that may cause fear or judgement or shame and saying it anyway. And you know what happened when I did my step 4 and 5 with my sponsor…..ready, because when you haven’t done it yet, you don’t know. But this is what happened……my sponsor, loved me anyway. And every time I give my testimony, my recovery community, loves me anyway.

Crazy right!

So I am not afraid of hard work. I am doing the work. And I’m doing it, because I know what happens when the hard work is completed.

Which reminds me of Psalms 30:5

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor, a lifetime. Weeping may stay overnight, but there is joy in the morning.

So that painting….do you see a line of tress with the sun setting? Or do you see a guitar? Do you see both?

Don’t be afraid of working a program. Dig deep and see things in a different way.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect, I don’t work a perfect program. I make mistakes, I sin. I disappoint others and I disappoint myself. But God doesn’t need me to be perfect or to work a perfect program. Everyday making the decision to walk in the right direction. It’s called progress. Having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is what matters.

It works if you work it and you are so worth it!!!

My journey to serenity continues…

My Truth

Personal Boundaries…

According to Wikipedia ‘personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.’

Codependency and lack of boundaries are in my experience good friends.

I may have had some boundaries in the past but allowed others to catapult over them and did nothing about it. Or I would move the boundary because I was not able, often because of fear, to even have consequences and then have to stick to them.

But I have learned how boundaries keeps me safe and ‘in my lane’.

3 years go, I had to learn how to set strong boundaries while I was afraid.

The man I was dating was on an out of control drinking binge. He was living down the street in a house of other active addicts. No water. No power. The owner of the house was in jail. While I was trying to save the man I loved, I put myself in danger. I witnessed terrible things and I was afraid.

When I reached my tolerance level (finally), I asked him to leave me alone in person, by phone and by text. I yelled, I screamed. And then unknowingly, I set my first boundary by stopping my behavior. I didn’t go to the house, I didn’t answer his calls and I didn’t text him back. It was hard but necessary.

And then it escalated.

I received 100’s and 100’s of text messages from 3 phones he had access to. At all hours of the day and night. I called the police and asked for help. Sadly there was nothing they could do…..yet. And the yet is what scared me the most. I called my best friend and told her that this is what lifetime movies are made of and I was afraid.

He came to my house at 5 am drunk and pounded on my front door. I called the police and got paperwork for trespassing for next time he comes. Next time, great.

More texts and calls. And I didn’t answer any of them. But it was still escalating.

He entered my home while I was a work. My son was home and called me. I called the police and drove home. I arrived just minutes after the police did. Apparently he had fallen on the walk to my house and had blood all over his face and hands. (And my fence and back door) I went and was issued an emergency protective order. But they couldn’t find him.

So now I had to wait for the PO to be served to him. And he would leave me alone and this would all stop.

More texts and calls and then they stopped. He then texted me and I had him violated and he went to jail. Then he called me from jail. 32 times. Another violation. He spent 31 days in jail and I was issued a 2 year protective order. Then he stood by my mail box and street corner for weeks after. But that didn’t violate my order. It was terrifying. I remember thinking about how this makes women go crazy and I would end up hurting him from the mental games and end up in jail. Thankfully that didn’t happen and he finally went away.

All this to say, this was the start of me giving myself permission to put down the fear, shame and feeling responsible .and understand the importance of creating personal boundaries.

So let’s talk about boundaries for a minute.

We need boundaries in all aspects of our life. Family. Work. Hobbies. Money. Time. I have found that having them actually makes my life easier. Allowing me to say no to some things that are not healthy for me in turn it allows me to say yes to more things that fill me up.

Once I found support with my 12 step group and a counselor, I gained some self awareness of what I am willing to and not willing to put up with in my life. Looking at situations in my life and identify area’s that cause hurt or upset or even where I’m spending time that is not for my greater good. And how to better contain those things.

This is what some of my boundaries look like:

  • separating myself from a friend or group of friends
  • not commenting on a social media on a sensitive topic
  • choosing to end and walk away from an argument gracefully
  • telling someone that I will not discuss something with them
  • telling someone that I will not tolerate behaviors and if they choose to continue, I will ______
  • being careful what and who I share information or feelings with
  • being careful who I spend time with
  • spending time doing healthy activities

Having boundaries I gained value and do not compromise my opinions. I have started to be able to make and reach personal goals which has been difficult to even create a goal in the past. I have learned how to say no and to accept no from others. I have become a better communicator. And I know to get advise from healthy friends.

You can share with someone a boundary, but you don’t always have to. Simply changing your behavior to match the boundary is enough.

Starting small and giving yourself grace is super important. It all takes time to learn how to do this after a life time of not. You build on success. It takes support, courage and practice.

My journey continues…

My Truth

What someone else thinks of me, is none of my business….

I heard this saying very early in my recovery walk. What someone else thinks of me, is none of my business. Clearly it stuck with me. And bubbled back up to the surface recently.

In the beginning, this saying was comforting because I felt judged. I felt like people looked at me and said I can’t believe what she put her family through. But that wasn’t really true in most cases.

Most of the time it was me, making it up. Knowing all I’ve done and the shame it burdened me with. I felt that shame and figured people could see it. Like it was written across my forehead.

But it wasn’t, it was written across the slate of my soul.

But what I found in recovery rooms was grace not judgment. And what I found each time a shared a little bit more of myself was genuine care not disgust. And what I discovered with my sponsor was after knowing all I shared with her, she loved me anyway.

Now I won’t lie, there was that other end of most….which is just a few. They were judgmental. They knew parts of the story and said I was a terrible person. And one even wrote me a letter which included, wouldn’t your parents be disappointed. That right there is guilt and shame. And no one is going guilt and shame me into being someone who I am not. This type of reaction is unwanted, unnecessary, unkind and unhealthy.

I’ve been reminded this week that what someone else thinks of me is none of my business. And all I need to do is keep my focus on God and my deeper understanding of codependency and continue to grow into the person God made me to be.

I am exactly where I was meant to be. Today, in this moment. Mistakes and all. Flaws and all.

So here’s a little something about me. I march to my own drum, always have. Don’t mind marching alone but prefer with a drum line! I think snap chat is fun and silly. And you never know what color my hair might be next time I see you. So here is a few of my favorite snap chat pics

Because Of the work Ive done and continue to do, in the 12 steps God has been rewriting what’s on my soul.,

I’m just going to keep being me.

My journey to serenity continues…

My Truth

Guilt and Shame…

Something happened last month that still surprises me when I think about it because I reacted to it differently than I ever had before. It was in that moment that I realized that I can recover from codependency behaviors and break this cycle that I have lived most of my life.

In the past, this person knew all the right buttons to push and knew exactly what to say to bring me to my knees and ‘win’ a disagreement. This person thrives on disagreements and tends to like to use big words to show me he is smarter than I am.

I have little contact with this person anymore but we do need to communicate at times.

We had a meeting scheduled and the night before the meeting, I was hammered with text messages about several things out of my control and frankly out of his control too. These messages included bringing up old situations which had long resolved themselves but not in the way he wanted. As well as why didn’t I notice this or why wasn’t I paying attention to that. And then THE ONE CARD that has always worked in the past was thrown at me.

And my reply….. You will not guilt and shame me into an argument with you.

And the messages stopped.

The meeting happened but before the meeting the same questions were asked and I said, this is not the time or place. If you’d like to meet for coffee, I’ll be happy to talk about it.

And after the meeting, it started again. And I said again….You will not guilt and shame me into an argument with you. I’m not trying to guilt or shame you he said….really I said and gave him examples of all the things he said or asked my those two days by text or in person. Those aren’t trying to guilt or shame me?

Tools I have learned because of recovery and not only learned but have put into practice are amazing.

The tit for tat and keeping score that worked for so long to get me to say or do what he wanted, no longer works. And taking a new approach from listening and love and support, works so much better for everyone involved.

One of my hangups is not being heard. Especially with this person. He has run me over time and time again because that is how we related to each other. But when I listened for what’s really going on and pointed it out. It has changed everything for me.

Arguing with someone not in recovery is hard because their version of the truth is clouded by their addiction. And it’s not just drugs or alcohol. It could be gambling or having to be right or perfect. It could even be Anger. Whatever it is, I don’t have to continue to react the way I always had. I can tell my truth and end the argument and pray that one day he will be get past his habits and hangups too.

I never learned a healthy way to disagree. Until I worked my 12 step program. I never knew how to be heard. Until I worked my 12 step program. I didn’t know a better way……until now.

12 step has changed my life for the good. And working a Christian based 12 step reminds me that all things work together for my greater good.

My journey to serenity continues….

My Truth

You know you are codependent when….

You know you are codependent when….

  • You fix other people’s problems without being asked
  • Saying no, has 10 reasons attached to it and in the end, you say yes
  • You have 4 solutions for someone else’s problems before they are finished telling you what’s wrong
  • When you are more involved in someone else’s life than they are
  • You recognize unhealthy behavior but give them a pass because they need you
  • You put their needs above your own
  • You are not addicted to a substance but rather addicted to a person who is addicted to a substance
  • You feel more responsible for others then they do
  • You have a hard time making decisions and rely on others to make decisions for you
  • You feel guilty in doing any kind of self care
  • You feel guilty for others bad behavior
  • You say I’m sorry, when you don’t need to
  • When your life flashes in front of your eyes, you realize it’s everyone else’s

As someone who struggles with codependency, I have done everyone one of the above. And I did all those things from a loving place. It was how i thought I was supposed to love someone. But it got completely out of control.

In all of my prior relationships, I felt and acted the same way but maybe in more of a watered down version. My relationship with xxxxxxxxx was the perfect storm because his addiction got so out of control so quicky.

I am grateful for my understanding now of not only my struggle but also understanding addiction and addicts. And while I have a greater level of empathy for anyone who struggles I will never allow myself to get into another similar relationship.

My journey to serenity continues…

My Truth

I will love you, until you love yourself again.

Dear Wanting Soul…

This letter is for you. You who love an addict (no matter what they are addicted to) and your life is out of control and you are wondering how this became your life. 

You who are wanting things to change. You desperately are wanting things to change. You don’t know how. You don’t even know where to start because everything is a freaking mess. You hate living like this. You are tired. And you are wanting but you don’t even know what you want. You just know it’s not this. 

I see you. 
I know your pain. 
I was you. 

Before I started attending a recovery program, I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t breathe. Trapped in a situation that I didn’t cause or even understand and I can’t fix it. 

I felt defeated, run over and used and sad that this is what my life had become. I was embarrassed and ashamed. How did this happen? 

Walking into a meeting when you feel so undeserving is so hard. But there is this wanting that pushes you to do it anyway.  That Wanting has been nudging you for a while now. Maybe you are like me and have gone to a few meetings but you have one foot in and one foot out of the program. Curious. But not fitting in, not buying in because you really are just not ready to be ready to change. 

Let that wanting win. Listen to that little voice inside you and wants to change. Keep listening. Keep going. Keep putting one foot in until you are ready to go in with both feet. 

Go to a meeting. Because you will find someone like me. Who was once just like you. 

And I don’t remember if my sponsor actually said this but it’s sounds like her and like something she would say ……I will love you, until you love yourself again.


I could breathe again. 
The healing began the minute I walked into my first Celebrate Recovery meeting. Because I was ready and desperately wanted a change. 

I thought I was there for someone else but I was there for me. God knew. He goes before me. He knew I would be there that night and He made sure the right people were there for me. He knew all I needed and what my soul wanted was for someone to love me until I could love myself again. 

So Wanting Soul, I know you are afraid. I was too. I know you want to change but you are afraid of that too, I was. But go anyway. Listen to that nudging. Take a chance on yourself and do it for you because you are worth it. 

I’ll see you there. XXOO

My journey to serenity continues…

I took the picture used in this post and used Font Candy to add the text

My Truth

no shame in my game…

I did an interview for another codependency blogger and will be featured in a few days. Pretty excited for that. One question that jumped out was…..Do you find being a codependent an embarrassing label? 

My answer may surprise some. I answered not at all and I’d like to explain more. 

I had never even heard the term codependency until late 2015. But I have been codependent for most of my life. It’s how I learned to cope, it’s what I thought Love looked like and for some time it served me well. That’s is until it didn’t and my life got completely out of control. 

Now that I have an understanding of codependency and where is came from for me, I have no shame around this term. 

The more people I met that struggle with this, the more I know that I am in good company. Men, women from all walks of life. Codependency for me has always come from a good place. A place of love and trying to protect someone. I know now this form of love is hurtful and doesn’t allow the other person involved to grow from the experience. 

Back 6 months ago or more, I want to a training event for Celebrate Recovery (CR). We were welcomed by a motorcycle group with CR Patches on their leather jackets with a big logo on the back that said ‘my chains are broken’. These men and women who on the surface not approachable but if you talk to them you know very quickly that they love the Lord and made the attendees feel welcomed and excited to be there. Was another example of not judging others. 

Just like during my regular meeting, I heard many of them introduce themselves just like I do…hi my name is —-, I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with codependency, YES! I’m in such good company. 

I am not ashamed of this label or being part of a recovery group. 

I carry my recovery tokens on my key chain. Recently, because of my tokens, I had the opportunity to talk to complete strangers about what they meant. And both times the person who asked took the time to share with me where they were in life and what they wanted to change. What a blessing to them and to me! 

No shame in my game!!! 

My journey to serenity continues…

My Truth

Judging Others…

One thing I have learned first hand from 12 step recovery meeting rooms has to do with judgment. 

While I was spinning out of control on the codependency/addict merry go round, others didn’t understand what was going on and why I was acting like a crazy person. 

I’d ask for advise (while knowing what I should do) but frozen in being able to take action to change what was going on. And the merry go round went around and around and around again. In some ways it felt safer to do what you know. 

I felt like a crazy person. I didn’t understand what was going on. How did this become my life?

Part of codependency is about what others may think of me if they knew what was going on.  So I would take care of things and make it easier for others. I’d paint the picture of it not being THAT bad. Why? Because I didn’t want to be judged in a negative way or for those around me that I cared about to be judged. The shame I felt that if everyone knew, they would be disappointed in me somehow. Because I was disappointed in myself. 

But then I had to DO something and DO something different because I did not want to spin around one more time. With a ton of work and willingness, my heart started to heal and things started to make sense and more connections were made and my heart healed a little bit more.  

For me when I first started to go to meetings, I felt a lot of things but being judged was not one of them. As I heard others stories and where they were, I didn’t for a second judge them. I felt compassion and empathy and just wanted to love them along their journey. 

What a beautiful gift to share with others in recovery who also at one point may have felt shame for their behavior. Being in a space of not being judged. Being in a safe place to share the darkest of their days. Learning to heal and grow and learning to trust yourself and others around you again. Beautiful thing for sure. 

In the Book of Matthew 7: 2-5 it says this about being judgemental…...Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?’ 

Wowzers, pretty clear. Why do people do that? Because it’s easy. It’s easy to point out others flaws or sins and not look at yourself and owning your part. 

Reminds me of recovery sayings like….

Stay in your own lane.
Keep your side the street clean.
Keep your spoon in your own bowl.

Or in Romans 3:23 you will find….’For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,’

Yeah hello, everyone has fallen short and who am I to think that my sin is less sinful than someone else’s. Or that this persons sin is so much worse on the sin scale. (Is that a thing?)  Makes me laugh to think of times I thought that about someone or a situation. Because I didn’t understand that this is not how it works. 

I would not trade my best day on the codependent/addict merry go round for my worst day off it!!! 

I think this is actually called grace. Going to a year and a half of meetings, I have learned to give grace because grace has been given to me. 

I have learned not to judge because they didn’t judge me. 

My journey to serenity continues….

My Truth

Letting Go is POWERFUL

I am amazed in the power of letting go. 

Since I have been involved in 12 step programs I have heard over and over the you need to let go. 

Letting go sounds nice and also sound pretty easy. Like holding a pen, you can choose to just let the pen go. The pen hits the floor and magically it’s done.

But hurt feelings, brokenness, anger, fear, worry, grieving, shame and disappointment are not so easy to let go. My story holds all those feelings, just like everyone else’s story does. 

Working the steps, one step builds on the next. They are designed to be done in order. It’s by design that you don’t skip steps. You have to start on Step 1.

I’ve been working the steps with my sponsor for many months. I’m getting ready to take part in a women’s step study group. Which I think is awesome. I’ve just about done with step 4 and 5 and I think this is the perfect time to put some work in with a group. It will give me the opportunity to start over the steps and ensure that I am on solid footing before moving through steps 6-12. 

Because I’m new at this, I may have missed something or forgotten something. It’s not s race. It’s actually investing in my heathy self and my future. 

The freedom I have experienced from steps 1-5 are just amazing. Hard to put into words. 

  
I have let go of the hurt that I have carried with me for a long time. Even the hurt that had from a lack of understanding. 

I have let go of brokenness that I have felt from things that were not my fault and that often involved another broken person. Broken people hurt broken people. 

I have let go of anger that kept me stuck in unforgiveness. And have learned to have compassion and empathy. 

I have let go of fear. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the what if. 

I have let go of worry. Worry does not change outcome. And means I am not trusting God when I over worry.

I have let go of grieving all the loses in my life. I have lost people I love dearly. I have lost things and I have lost hopes and dreams. Everyone experiences loss in many different ways. Grieving happens but I don’t have to stay there. 

I have let go of shame. This is huge for me. I carried shame for things that happened, for decisions I made, for protecting others and shame for not being truthful. 

I have let go of disappointments. Disappointments of what wasn’t or broken promises. For not being able at the time to say what I needed and that what was going on was just not cool. For expectations not expressed. 

All of these feelings are like a prison. Making me feel trapped and stuck. 

Letting go of all these things and trusting God is just so powerful. It means I am strong when I have conversations with my ex husband. It means I am strong as I guide my sons and watch them thriving in their lives. It means I am strong when my ex boyfriend got out of jail this week and I honestly can say, I wish him all that life has to offer him. 

There’s no more hook, there is no more excuses for someone’s bad behavior or trying to save someone from consiquences or hurt feelings and putting myself in harms way. 

Will I feel those feeling again? Of course I will but now I have tools to cope in a different way now.

Letting go is POWERFUL 

My journey to serenity continues….

My Truth

Meeting Takeaways…

Hi my name is Mar and I struggle with codependency. 

I never noticed that other people said ‘I struggle with’ and not that ‘I am’. What an awesome mind shift. My codependency does not define me. 

I am working on the parts of me that are broken. Those parts that made me think that codependency meant you love someone.  The parts of me that makes me want to control things that I can’t. 

I am Mar and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with codependency. 

If you have not followed my blog for long you may not know that I attend Celebrate Recovery (CR). It’s a Christ Centered 12 step program. It’s for anyone who struggles with hurts, hang-ups or habits. What we struggle with may be different, what got us to walk into the meeting may be different BUT how you heal and recover is exactly the same. 

The start of the meeting is with the worship band. They sang a song I never heard before. 

Break Through by Don Moen

Break through all my doubts
Break through
Break through all my fears
Break through
That I may worship You
Break through

Break through all my pain
Break through all my guilt and my shame
Break through like only You can do

You are brighter than my darkest night
Stronger than my toughest fight
Just one touch from You my King my Friend
And I’ll never be the same again
O break through all my pain

Break through all my guilt and my shame
Break through like only You can do
O break through like only You can do
O break through like only You can do

  

Only with God can I recovery from my doubts, fears, pain, guilt and shame. 

I am not my doubts.
I am not my fears.
I am not my pain.
I am not my guilt.
I am not my shame. 

I am stronger than yesterday. 
I am perfectly imperfect.
I am joy.
I am love.
I am light.

I am forever changed. 

I am Mar and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with codependency. 

My journey to serenity continues…

I painted the pic and used Font Candy to add the text in this post.