My Truth, What Does The Bible Say???

You ARE the 5 people you hang around…

Do you not like where your life is???

Do you wish you were in a different place in your relationships or finances or weight???  

Have you ever looked around and wondered how did THIS become my life???

 

I have answered yes to all of these. 

Then I looked around the people I was hanging  with during the  summer of 2015. I discovered that they were in the middle of their addiction or irresponsibility or denial of what was going on. 

I thought…. I wasn’t drinking, not doing drugs, not on public assistance (not that there is anything wrong with it when you need a hand up, just not using it as a life style), not scamming for the next fix, not job searching, sorta, maybe, tomorrow I will, living in an awful place that the owner was in jail and the bank was going to foreclosed on it at some point so why not live there.  And yet there I was in the middle of it. The only one with a job. The only one with a car. The only one with a relationship with my kids. The only one with a roof over my head that was mine. They needed me and for some reason I needed to feel needed. 

The police were called to that awful place all the time. One night I was there when they were called and was wondering why because it was one of the quieter calmer nights. Shortly after the police arrived, I asked if it was ok that I leave. They asked me some questions. When my interview was over, the officer asked me what the hell was doing there? It was almost like a movie ‘what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this’. I answered ‘the guy passed out on the floor upstairs in the front bedroom, for some stupid reason i love him and need to get out of this place’.

Pump the breaks. What the hell am I doing. 

I have not talked to anyone from the house is a long time. One passed away in the house. She fell down the stairs and cracked her head on the concrete floor. I was there the night before. And it rattled the house into sobriety for a few days. Three were in jail but today I do not know where any of them are. 

Those 5 people were a mess in their addictions. And I became a different kind of mess right along with them.

*************

What does the Bible say about the people we hang around???

Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
*************

Now the 5 people that I hang around are sober, working a program, have great jobs, have wonderful supportive friends and family, have a relationship with God, and helping others with what they are passionate about. Not to say life is easy for these people but they sure are not filled with the chaos and harm to ones self and others. 

So who am I becoming…sober from codependency, working a program, have great job, have wonderful supportive friends and family, have a relationship with God, and am helping others by writing this blog and sharing my story. Not to say life is easy now but my life sure is not filled with the chaos and harm to ones self and others life it once was. 

Lots can happen when you change who you hang with. 

My journey to serenity continues…

The graphic was made with the help of google images and an app called Font Candy to add the text.

My Truth

Seeing things a different way…

Do you see a tree line with a reflection?

Do you see a guitar? 

Do you see a tree line with a reflection that happens to look like a guitar? 

This was an actual picture but I wondered if it was real. A friend of mine posted it on Facebook and I knew I had to paint it. It is just so beautiful and simple. I love this painting. 

 

Now that I am past the daily chaos that was. I can look back at my life and am starting to see things a different way. 

My recovery from being codependent is still in its early stages. 

I am still embarrassed that I lived this way. I am still hurting. But everyday I get a little stronger. 

  
I am learning to let go and forgive myself. That process is very hard. I am responsible for so many things running amok. In an earlier post I said I wish I had a super power and could rewind time but I don’t so I can’t. 

But what I did do is that I’ve made a list of things I am responsible for and a list of things I wasn’t. Makes it clear where I need to put some energy in for forgiving myself and what I need to let go. That’s not part of my story. That’s someone else’s crap to deal with. I’m leaving it for them to deal with, known or unknown. Its not mine. 

It’s easy to take someone else’s inventory, but there is self love and grace and wisdom in taking our own. I get that now. I see it differently. 

Part of why some of this is hard for me is I don’t have closure. My parents have passed, my ex husband….well is my ex husband and it would not be a productive conversation. And my ex boyfriend….well I have a protective order. I guess is all part of Gods plan. That I will find my closure a different way. 

My journey to serenity continues…

I painted the pictures in this blog post. =]

My Truth, Sober Living, What Does The Bible Say???

Seasons…

I love when periods of time of life are described as seasons. 

I’ve been thinking about what season my life is in. I am recovering from an abuse relationship. I am understanding how my codependent nature contributed to that relationship and how it kept me stuck. I am mourning what could have been. I am learning to forgive, trust and love myself again. I am seeking a relationship with God. I am in a season of growth. I am in a season of time to build up. I am in a season of speaking and share my story. 

*************

What does the bible say about seasons?Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. 

*************

No matter the season, be present where you are. 

Know that God uses us to shine light on each other’s darkness. Knowingly or unknowingly, He is using my story and your story for others. The bible is full of storys about what season someone was in and those stories help us today. There was fear and shame and joy and promise.

  
I have had some sad seasons. Loss of my parents, loss of a 18 year marriage. Loss of material things. Loss of self. Loss of a what I thought could be. Having been in these seasons, they have made me the person I am today. Still growing, still rebuilding, still flawed but also loving and caring and enough just the way that I am. 

Don’t wish a season away. Be present. 

My journey to serenity continues…
PS I painted the picture used in this post