Tag Archives: struggle

Trust God 

My sister in law passed away on June 1st, at her celebration of life the Celebrant shared this poem with us. 

Jenny’s poem. 

Trust God’s wisdom to guide
Trust his goodness to provide
Trust his saving love and power
Trust him every day and hour
Trust him as the only light
Trust him in the darkest night
Trust in sickness
Trust in health
Trust in poverty and in wealth
Trust him living – dying too
Trust him all the journey through


Struggling with codependency, letting go and trusting God is hard. And shows up in places that I sometimes don’t expect. 

With the loss of a dear friend and father figure. I need to let go and trust God. 

What does the Bible say about Trusting God… Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

Finding recovery in unexpected places. 

My journey to serenity continues…..

Standing in Solidarity

As you may recall, I attend Celebrate Recovery which is a blended issue group. Anyone with any hurt habit or hang-up that separates you from God and want to change is welcomed with support, grace and love. 

Those who struggle with food, alcohol, drugs, codependency, anxiety, pornography and the like are all represented in the room. From every walk of life. And in every stage of recovery. We support one another in what we struggle with with much love, encouragement and grace. 

About 10 days ago, one of my fellow CR attendees lost her battle with her addiction. She struggled and was a fighter. She loved the Lord and trusted Him and His plan for her life. She touched many of our lives and I am grateful for the times her and I chatted before a meeting. 

Last night we honored her in only the we could. We had our meeting. The first 30 minutes we have a band play song and last night was no different. Songs filled with hope and trusting God plan for each of us. We laughed and cried and shared stories of our relationships with her and how she touched our lives. 

We stood in solidarity with her and with each other. 

According to Webster’s Dictionary, solidarity is defined as…

sol·i·dar·i·ty noun

unity or agreement of feeling or action, especially among individuals with a common interest; mutual support within a group

synonyms: unanimity, unity, like-mindedness, agreement, accord, harmony, consensus, concurrence, cooperation, cohesion, fraternity, mutual support; 

“our solidarity is what gives us the credibility and power to make changes”


My recovery family means so much to me. I would not be in this place in my life without their support, grace and love. They have taught me what friendship looks like, in the room and outside the room too. 

To my recovery sister – I know like I know like I know that you are free from your pain and struggle. You are with the angels, rejoicing in our victories and saving me seat in the most amazing meeting that I cannot even imagine filled with support, grace and love. 

My journey to serenity continues….

Thank you google images for the pic used in this post. 

It’s time to get real…real honest

Who am I? 
What do I love to do?
What makes me happy? 
What are my goals?
Are all the parts of my life in congruence?

 

Who am I? My name is Mar. I am a grateful believe in Jesus Christ. My friends would describe me as the nicest person they know and that I would do anything for a friend unless it would put me in jail. 

What do I love to do? I love solving problems. Giving options. Show someone there are solutions. I do this at work, I do this with my friends and I sure hope that I am doing this by writing this blog and help others struggling with codependency. 

What makes me happy? Simple things makes me happy. Watching my kids do things they love makes me happy. Painting makes me happy. Coffee makes me happy. Snuggling with my puppy makes me happy. Spending time outside having picnic, listening to music makes me happy. Having time chatting with friends makes me happy. 

What are my goals? I have struggled with this for a long time. I don’t know big picture long term goals, they seem to daunting to even think about. I can’t even get past the next payday. I have been in survival mode for so long and I’m not sure I know anything else. 

Are all the parts of my life in congruence? No they are not. And I am ok with that for now. I am working really hard to understand and think differently about codependency. And soon I will be able to really think about goals, really put a plan together to get my weight in control. The more the codependency was out of control the more my weight has been too. 

In an earlier post, I  asked 2 questions. Have you had enough? and Are you willing to try a new way of life? When you can honestly answer YES to these questions you are ready to start your recovery. 

I need to get real…..real honest with myself in a couple of areas of my life. And as I write this…

I’m ready. I’m tired of being on this treadmill. I’m only stuck becasue I’ve been afraid to do something different and fail. I’ve had enough. I’m willing to try a new way of life…..it starts today. Right here. Right now. The time is now. It’s time for me to be the best version of me. Struggles and all. 

 
My journey to serenity continues…

PS please note, I was distracted when writing this. I went to give my brothers to give him a break. He is the caretaker for his wife who is dieing of cancer. Her health is declining. There was a notable difference from when I was there a week ago. Please pray for her and my brother. 

I painted the pic used in this post. I used Google Images for the brick wall. And used Font Candy to add the text to both. 

Keep Calm and swim on…

 Its been a rough week. 

Work stuff.

Ex husband stuff.

Ex boyfriend stuff. 

Emotional stuff. 

Seems I have a lot on my plate right now. 

So all I can do is stay calm and swim on. 

 
All I can do at work is do my job and do it well. Keep my head down and focus on my role. The changes going on at work will either work out and benefit the entire team or it won’t and they will change the process again. I can only control my contribution. 

All I can do is listen to and support my sons while they work through the stuff with their dad (my ex husband). Give them advise and let them know I understand. 

All I can do is tell the judge the facts and how I feel about my ex boyfriend and his request to dissolve my protective order. And the Judge will decide what to do. 

All I can do with the voice in my head that repeats unkind words that was said to me is to quiet it down with the truth. I am not those things. 

All I can do is control me. Control my reactions, feelings and self talk. All I can do is look up and say Lord, please help me with these things in my life. Guide my footsteps, words and thoughts. Provide wisdom, courage, strength and grace.

I have no regrets because I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. 

I will not worry about things I can not control because God is in control and he knows the rest of my story and will walk with me to that place. 

I will lean on my faith in Gods promise to me. 

 
My journey to serenity continues…

I painted the pictures used in this post and used Font Candy to add the text. 

The darkest nights produces the brightest stars…

A series of unfortunate events brought me to the wonderful place of recovery, self awareness, understanding and healing. 

 

Codependency is about control, dependency, lack of boundaries and denial. 

I have a long history of life events that culminated into my life being unmanageable last year. 

I have learned so much in the past 5 months. And grown in leaps over the past 2 months. 

I have 2 current struggles going on this week. I am fighting my default way of handling them. I am sitting back and allow of things to play out without my ‘help’. 

The first struggle is between my ex husband and our children. This has been building for years and I’m sad to see its gotten to this point. I am stuck in the middle. In trying to encourage communication and willingness on both sides. But this is out of my control. All I can do is let my kids know I’m here for them. I am a safe place for them to be heard. 

The other struggle is that I got a summons to appear in court in late April today. My ex boyfriend has put in a motion to dissolve my protective order. There is a slim to none chance of this happening. The thought of having to go to court and see him again makes me feel physically ill. 

One day at a time. One moment at a time on difficult days. 

God, give me serenity to accept the things i cannot be changed. The Courage to change the things that I can ,and the Wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

My journey to serenity continues….

PS I painted the picture used in this post.